16
It’s Good To Be A Feminist Housewife
I only do 3 out of these 6 things. Hey, a Feminist Housewife still has her limits.
I am a stay-at-home mom. I am a wife. And I am a Feminist.
I am a Feminist Housewife.
No, that’s not an oxymoron. Welcome to a new generation of housewives. We ain’t Donna Reed, yo.
I don’t mean to ruffle any other housewives feathers, but I didn’t grow up necessarily wanting this job. Like many, if not most housewives I know, being a housewife was not my professional goal. I didn’t go to college or two different graduate programs to earn an M.R.S degree. I was already wearing suits and handing out business cards by the time I met the Dude. I didn’t cook and I certainly didn’t pick up after anyone else. I had changed maybe 3 diapers in my life at that point. If that. Nothing about me screamed *housewife-material!*. The Dude and I married with the knowledge that we are equal partners in everything that we do, and that includes raising a family together. We are partners and co-parents. Decisions are made together and we work hard to make sure we’re on the same page when it comes to our relationship and parenting. The Dude even calls himself a feminist, too. It’s good to be married to one of those.
I was raised in the 80′s, which was a great time to grow up for a girl. I wasn’t raised on Donna Reed, June Cleaver, or even Edith Bunker. I was raised on Mrs. Huxtable, Kate & Allie, and Murphy Brown. Those women were smart feminist chicks who could support their families and hold their own against any man. They were my feminist icons. But my biggest influence was undoubtedly my own mother. After my parents divorced, she was the one who stressed the importance of being self-sufficient and independent. She didn’t just tell me to be that way. She showed me the way. I watched my mom work her way through graduate school while raising three kids alone. It was not only impressive, but it made a life-long impact on me. I knew from a young age that the key to everything was through education and drive. Become your own person before you marry and have the means to support yourself…just in case, my mother would tell us. Her pragmatism helped shape us. My sister and I were not raised to believe that we were little princesses and that Prince Charming would come along one day to save us. Instead, we grew up with the drive to be educated and financially independent and the belief that if Prince Charming actually did show up, well, he better be willing to cook, clean, and change diapers*, too. (continues…)
07
Mental Monday: How Do You Define “Forsaking All Others?”
Here we go again.
Another celebrity with “indiscretions” is in the news and the chatter online and at the water-cooler is abuzz.
Scandalous! Exactly how many women were involved with him?!? His poor wife. He liked to do what? He did what where? He says he loves her?!? If that was my husband, I would….
We all hear about the (insert celebrities, pro-athletes, politicians) who cheat on their spouses. It makes front page news and fills the 24/7 news and gossip cycles. Their personal marital problems become subject to our opinion, judgment, and fodder. It’s also apparent that there are people who get some sort of sad satisfaction knowing that even the “perfect” people and couples among us are not so perfect after all. These stories humanize them. The reality is, they deal with the same problems that many of us will face in our own relationships. The only difference is that our relationships are not typically available for public scrutiny.
Extramarital affairs are a common occurrence. Why is that? People claim all sorts of reasons: biological urges and impulses, revenge, avoidance, to get attention, a need for independence, to feel special or desired, etc… There are varied reports, but studies indicate that about 60% of married men and 45% of married women report an extramarital affair (Glass & White, 1992). In a 2001 study, one researcher noted that 70% of marriages experience an affair (Brown, 2001). And in case your head isn’t spinning yet, here is another statistic out there – 90% of first divorces included some form of infidelity (Pittman and Wagers, 2005).
That is staggering. (continues…)
30
Mental Monday: Teens and Parents as Friends? Only on Facebook.
I always cringe when I hear a parent refer to their teenager as their best friend.
Some parents may use that term loosely or merely as thoughtless hyperbole but, for just as many other parents, they really do believe it to be true. They do everything with their teenager. They confide in their child about adult-themed content. They joke about and discuss inappropriate subject matter. They gossip with their teenager about their teenage friends. And the rules, discipline, and structure that may have once been present in the home tends to wane significantly or end altogether.
Why do parents do that?
My guess is that some parents just really don’t know how to parent a teenager.
When your child gets older and enters the pre-teen and teenage years, it can be difficult for some parents to know what role to play. While some parents start tightening the reins on the increasing independence of their children, other parents loosen up and start behaving more like a friend. Many teenagers act like mini-adults and will start testing their parents as they explore their new world between childhood and adulthood. And, as I’m sure we all remember well enough, it’s a tough world to live in. You’re too old to act like a child, but you’re also too young to behave like an adult. It can be very frustrating for both the teenager and the parents.
There is no doubt that as your child grows into a teenager, your role as a parent will shift. Once a child enters the pre-teen years, they tend to seek more validity and approval from friends, rather than parents. The opinions and advice of their parents start to lose some of their power. Once a child begins the long journey of self-discovery and identity, they often turn to the people that help define their image: their peers. Many parents quickly realize that they have lost some influence over their teenager and will resort to treating their teenager as an equal. It could be out of desperation as they strive to keep their independence-seeking teenager close and connected and perhaps regain some approval and respect from their once-adoring child. (continues…)
23
Mental Monday: Beating The Holiday Blues
The holiday blues can get to any of us.
‘Tis the season for large family gatherings, spending more money than we should, eating more than we should, and driving ourselves crazy trying to be thankful, happy, and merry.
The “most wonderful time of the year” ain’t always that wonderful.
Holidays can often wreak havoc on our mental health as we try to live up to the emotional expectations and obligations of the holiday season. We are often stressed out and stretched too thin as we prepare for a time of peace and joy. The holiday season can easily take a toll on any of us, but for some people it can be a time filled with serious conflicts and emotions.
There are people that tend to be more prone to the holiday blues. People who have lost a loved one may be flooded with unresolved grief and painful memories of a once joyful time of year. For people with strained relationships with family members, this time of year can be filled with stress and conflict. Some people are not able to join their families for the holidays, which can bring on feelings of guilt and loneliness. And for people and families that are struggling financially, stretching the wallet or debt even more can trigger feelings of shame and depression.
For many people, the next 6 weeks are often filled with anything but holiday cheer.
If you’re feeling stressed or anxious during the upcoming holidays, make the time to check in with yourself. Putting on a happy face to “get through the holidays” isn’t doing anyone any favors, especially not for you. If this time of year is usually more stressful than festive, figure out what you need to do to alleviate that stress and make some changes.
Here are some great tips to beat the Holiday Blues from the Mayo Clinic: (continues…)
19
Guest Post: The Dude Speaks (and Speaks…) About Marital Name-Change
Dude here. First things first: I didn’t pick that nickname, and I certainly don’t use it at home. Aimee calls me certain expletives and my friends call me by last name. Speaking of last names, after reading Aimee’s identity theft post (the one about maiden names, hyphenation, yadda, yadda), I offered to write a complementary post on the topic, as viewed from my perspective. Here goes…
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
— Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)
The oft-quoted passage from Shakespeare obscures Romeo & Juliet’s real lesson. While a rose by any other name may indeed smell equally sweet, I’m not sure that Signores Montague and Capulet fixated on scent. It was pedigree and genealogy about which they worried, and, to that end, names disclosed and meant quite a bit.
Names come to define and signify us. More than just labels, they also become laden with emotion, identifying information, and meaning; giving up a name means forfeiting a portion of our identity. People have come to know me as my name, and to know my name as me. I wasn’t willing to give that up when I took my vows, and I didn’t expect that Aimee would be any happier to either. (continues…)