17
Oh, The People in My Neighborhood
I see neighbors. And I hear them, too.
I hear about people who are friends with their neighbors. I hear about fun block parties and kids who all play in the cul-de-sac street together. I hear about neighborhood kids who grow up together as best friends and the few who actually end up marrying the girl-next-door. I hear about moms who can easily drop their kid(s) off with a neighbor for an hour to run an errand or the dads who borrow a lawnmower. And the neighbor is more than happy to return the favor. Anytime!
Who are these people and where do they live?
I don’t even know the names of my neighbors. I probably wouldn’t even ask my neighbors for a cup of sugar, let alone ask for an hour of babysitting. That’s just not how it works on my block.
After living the apartment lifestyle for more than a decade, I was used to not having many, if any, interactions with my neighbors. The only time I would see a neighbor was in the elevator on my ride up to the 11th floor. The occasional nod of the head, hurried hello, or mention of the weather was our only form of communication. And, if there was a problem with a neighbor, well that’s what the homeowners association and yahoo groups forum was for. Complain to them! I guess you can call it passive-aggressive neighboring.
So when we bought our first house and moved to the ‘burbs exactly one year ago, I expected to be greeted by a few *real* housewives, families with kids the same age as my kid, perhaps some cool couples who were the same age as us, and at least a few friendly people who would welcome us into the neighborhood with a homemade pie and an invite to a BBQ.
Instead, I got the nosy neighbors that like to peek over our fences (hello, I see you!), strange neighbors that keep a huge pile of dirt on their driveway (did they just bury someone?), yipping dogs that bark at me through my fence every time I’m in the backyard (you’re worse than a cat!), an elderly man who*joked* about running me over as I walked with my son in his stroller (haha…good one, asshole), and a few very loud teenagers who enjoy late-night parties almost as much as they enjoy revving their car engines at 6am on a Saturday morning (yes, you little twits, that was me who called the police and then knocked on your door early the next morning to talk to your mother).
Welcome to the neighborhood, indeed.
The moral of the story is: just like your family, you can’t choose your neighbors. We sometimes just have to learn how to deal with them. Or not.
I’m still learning.
16
Marriage: The Biggest Identity Thief of All
When I got married a little over four years ago, I did something that I never thought I would do.
I took my husband’s last name.
The Dude never asked me to take his name, nor did he assume I would. After we got engaged, I had a full year to think about whether or not I would change my name. It was a good thing I had that kind of time since it took me about a full year to come to my decision. I went back and forth quite a bit but, in the end, I decided that taking his last name was the best thing to do for logistical purposes. It didn’t matter to me whether or not I shared the same surname as the Dude, but I did want the same surname as our future children.
These days, it’s not necessarily expected for women to take a husband’s last name. I know plenty of wives that never took their husband’s last name and I know plenty more that hyphenated the two surnames together. Some couples are getting creative with sharing a family name. I know couples who adopted both surnames and then hyphenated while others simply combined the last names to create a new name. I’ve even known a few husbands who took the last name of their wife.
As appealing as some of these options were, none of them really seemed like the ideal fit. The Dude liked his name and, considering where he was in his law career, it would have been difficult for him to make a name change. Although I had an established career of my own for many years, I was about to embark in a whole new direction shortly after the wedding. A few months before I got married, I had quit my job in preparation of starting another graduate program and a new career. From that perspective, changing my name was not going to be a problem. I figured if I was going to change my name, there was no better time. It would be a fresh start with everything: new name, new career, and new husband. What’s the big deal about giving up my surname. It’s just a name. Right?
Not really. (continues…)
08
War of the Gosselins: What We Can Learn From Public Divorce Battles
As I clicked on CNN.com this morning, I saw this startling headline: Jon Gosselin: ‘I despise’ Kate
Enough is Enough is right.
In the article and short video clip, Jon claims that he was a victim of Kate’s emotional and verbal abuse and that he was “beaten down” by Kate. She also forced him to disconnect from his family. In the longer interview, which airs tonight, Jon states that he despises Kate. I won’t be watching the rest of it.
Like a lot of people, I can’t help but follow the demise of Kate and Jon Gosselin’s marriage. Perhaps it’s because their family drama continues to make headline news and front page covers, even months after they broke the news that they had separated. Now it seems like the war of words between the two have escalated to full-blown attacks. Whether or not Jon was a victim of emotional abuse is not for any of us to judge. Jon and Kate may have brought us into their home every week, but no one will ever know the full truth except for the two of them. What we do know is this – disparaging comments have been made about each other by both parties. (continues…)