21
Mental Monday: When It Comes To Grief, Nothing Is Normal.
After a mother despairingly reached out online minutes before and hours after she learned of the tragic death of her 2 year old son last week, the world questioned her. They blamed her. And they harassed her. It’s not normal to be online when you’re at the hospital! It’s not normal to post messages hours after your son passes away!, people countered via Twitter and through the media.
Please.
Please tell me what is normal when it comes to an anguished and grieving mother. There is no “normal” when it comes to the death of a child. Children are not supposed to die before their parents. Children are supposed to bury their parents. No parent is ever prepared for the death of a child, even when the death is expected. I cannot fathom what this mother went through when she found her son at the bottom of a pool. I have no idea what it’s like to hear the words, your son has passed away, from a doctor. It is unimaginable to me and it’s most likely unimaginable to you, too. So what do we do when the unimaginable happens? Would you withdraw? Would you reach out? No one can say unless they have actually been there.
In a day and age when social networking is used by billions of people, communicating regularly to others online is as normal as saying *hi* to your next-door neighbor every morning. News from the joyous and happy to the everyday mundane to the sad and tragic are expressed daily in online forums, networks, and communities. As a social networking user for many years, I have seen first-hand many situations where someone has used social networking to announce an illness, give an updated status on a life-threatening illness, share a tragic story, or inform people of the recent death of their spouse, sibling, parent, etc… Many people need to share their horrifying and tragic situation immediately because it is essential for them to receive immediate solace and comforting. For those that have an online community that they can turn to, there is no better way to receive a large amount of instant support during a critical time.
A shocked and grieving mother reached out to her online community. She needed their prayers. She needed their strength and their comfort. What she did not need was interrogation, armchair investigation, judgment, scorn, or a pitchfork-mentality fueled backlash. No one has a right to judge or question the behavior or actions of a grieving mother who just lost her son. There is no normal behavior and there is no normal grieving process. But what is normal is for a grieving mother to expect support from her community, online or otherwise, when she needs it the most.
Anything you would like to add or share? Please comment below.
18
Foodie Friday: Lotsa Latkes
Hanukkah is over tonight, which means that I won’t be seeing any more of these dangerous little suckers for another year. My waistline (what’s left of it) and cholesterol level are both thankful. I didn’t make the latkes this year, which was nice. Instead, my mother-in-law prepared these while the Dude took pictures. What did I do? Nothing but eat. That was the best present of all.
Click on the pictures to expand.
My mother-in-law makes the best latkes. (continues…)
16
It’s Good To Be A Feminist Housewife
I only do 3 out of these 6 things. Hey, a Feminist Housewife still has her limits.
I am a stay-at-home mom. I am a wife. And I am a Feminist.
I am a Feminist Housewife.
No, that’s not an oxymoron. Welcome to a new generation of housewives. We ain’t Donna Reed, yo.
I don’t mean to ruffle any other housewives feathers, but I didn’t grow up necessarily wanting this job. Like many, if not most housewives I know, being a housewife was not my professional goal. I didn’t go to college or two different graduate programs to earn an M.R.S degree. I was already wearing suits and handing out business cards by the time I met the Dude. I didn’t cook and I certainly didn’t pick up after anyone else. I had changed maybe 3 diapers in my life at that point. If that. Nothing about me screamed *housewife-material!*. The Dude and I married with the knowledge that we are equal partners in everything that we do, and that includes raising a family together. We are partners and co-parents. Decisions are made together and we work hard to make sure we’re on the same page when it comes to our relationship and parenting. The Dude even calls himself a feminist, too. It’s good to be married to one of those.
I was raised in the 80′s, which was a great time to grow up for a girl. I wasn’t raised on Donna Reed, June Cleaver, or even Edith Bunker. I was raised on Mrs. Huxtable, Kate & Allie, and Murphy Brown. Those women were smart feminist chicks who could support their families and hold their own against any man. They were my feminist icons. But my biggest influence was undoubtedly my own mother. After my parents divorced, she was the one who stressed the importance of being self-sufficient and independent. She didn’t just tell me to be that way. She showed me the way. I watched my mom work her way through graduate school while raising three kids alone. It was not only impressive, but it made a life-long impact on me. I knew from a young age that the key to everything was through education and drive. Become your own person before you marry and have the means to support yourself…just in case, my mother would tell us. Her pragmatism helped shape us. My sister and I were not raised to believe that we were little princesses and that Prince Charming would come along one day to save us. Instead, we grew up with the drive to be educated and financially independent and the belief that if Prince Charming actually did show up, well, he better be willing to cook, clean, and change diapers*, too. (continues…)
14
Mental Monday: My Kid Was Suspended for Bullying? I’m On The Case.
Yesterday, I read this LA Times story about a father who sued his daughter’s school district after they suspended her for two days. She was suspended by the school after posting an online video in which she and other students teased another classmate and called her mean names. This video was published on YouTube and seen by who knows how many people. So, what happened after the bully in this case was suspended? Well, she did something that isn’t so out of the ordinary these days. Sue. Yes, the bully in this case SUED the school district and a U.S. District Judge ruled in her favor. While I don’t agree with the Judge (from a non-lawyer perspective) the ruling itself in this case isn’t what upset me the most. What made me the most angry is who represented this young bully/plaintiff during trial.
Her father.
Rather than agreeing with the school district that the punishment fit the crime and rather than reprimanding his daughter for being a bully, this father sent a message to his daughter saying that being a “mean girl” is OK. He sent a message to her saying that not only was her behavior acceptable, but that he will do everything in his power to support her. And, he did. Am I the only one disturbed by this message? None of us have perfect kids. We want to support them and stand by them, even when they falter. But when our kids behave badly, there needs to be consequences. This young bully needed help from her father, but not in the legal sense. She needed to talk about why she would do something as extreme as post a vicious video about her classmate. She needed to be reprimanded for her actions. She needed a wake-up call that being mean is not acceptable behavior and that there are consequences. She got none of those things from her father. Instead, she received acceptance and validation for bad behavior.
Her father did not do her any favors.
When a child hurts another child, emotionally or physically, the message should never be – well, in accordance to the law, your behavior was justifiable. Instead, I believe the message should be – well, although you may have a First Amendment right to tease and defame another child to the point of bullish behavior, it is NOT acceptable to me.
What should it matter if the law protects and even rewards the bad behavior of your children? Regardless of the law, being a good role model for your kid is the best lesson you can ever teach them. Be a good person. Treat each other with respect and dignity. Playing nicely with others doesn’t end in the playground. It’s something that we need to remember throughout the duration of our lives. These are the lessons that we need to live by and, most importantly, pass on to our kids.
It’s too bad that the young bully and her father in this story were too busy suing the school district to receive that message.
Anything you would like to add or share? Please comment below.
10
Foodie Friday: The Festival (And Feast) Of Lights
We use this beautiful Nambe Menorah
Today is Hanukkah Eve and over the next 8 days, many presents will be opened, many candles will be lit, and many calories will be consumed. Hanukkah is a very happy holiday, especially for the little ones! The traditional food served makes it an especially fun (and fattening) one. Even if you don’t light a menorah, you can still enjoy the delectable treats traditionally served during this wonderful time of year.
When I am preparing a Hanukkah feast, or any other Jewish holiday meal, there are two places I go to for recipes and ideas. The first is my mother-in-law. She is a fantastic cook and has shared many of her delicious family recipes with me over the years. My other recipe resource is the cookbook Fast & Festive Meals for the Jewish Holidays by Marlene Sorosky. You don’t have to be Jewish (or even a Cashew) to love and appreciate these recipes.
I will feature my Hanukkah feast in the next segment of Foodie Friday. Until then, enjoy these recipes from my mother-in-law’s kitchen and mine:
Mini Potato Latkes (adapted from Karen Emmer)
- 6 medium white (baking) potatoes
- 2 eggs (beaten)
- 1 medium onion (chopped fine)
- 2-3 tablespoons matzo meal
- 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
- 2 teaspoons of kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon white pepper
- Vegetable oil for frying
In mixing bowl, combine beaten eggs and onion. Cut cleaned potatoes and grate or shred in the food processor. Add to egg mixture and add matzo meal, baking powder, salt, and pepper.
Using a large skillet, heat small amount of oil and drop the mixture in by the tablespoon. Brown well and drain on paper towels. Recipe makes 3-5 dozen latkes, depending on your definition of “tablespoonful.”
Serve with sour cream or apple sauce!
Brisket
Preheat oven for 300 degrees.
- 3-4 lbs of first-cut flat-piece of brisket.
- 1 cup of ketchup
- 1 cup of water
- 1 tablespoon of yellow mustard
- 1 tablespoon of wine vinegar
- 1 tablespoon of dried minced onion
- 1 tablespoon of white horseradish
Combine the ketchup, water, mustard, wine vinegar, dried minced onion, and horseradish and whisk together. Place the brisket in a roast pan or glass dish and cover the meat with the combined mixture. Cover the brisket loosely with foil and cook slowly at 300 degrees. It takes about 4 hours to cook, depending on the size of the brisket and your oven. It’s done when the meat is tender enough to be cut with a fork. If it’s too tough, keep cooking!
The brisket can be cooked the night before and refrigerated. To reheat, first discard the solidified fat and carve the meat. Slice brisket thinly against the grain. Bake in the oven at 325 or 350 degrees, covered, for about 40-50 minutes.
Happy Hanukkah!