Yesterday, I read this LA Times story about a father who sued his daughter’s school district after they suspended her for two days. She was suspended by the school after posting an online video in which she and other students teased another classmate and called her mean names. This video was published on YouTube and seen by who knows how many people. So, what happened after the bully in this case was suspended? Well, she did something that isn’t so out of the ordinary these days. Sue. Yes, the bully in this case SUED the school district and a U.S. District Judge ruled in her favor. While I don’t agree with the Judge (from a non-lawyer perspective) the ruling itself in this case isn’t what upset me the most. What made me the most angry is who represented this young bully/plaintiff during trial.
Her father.
Rather than agreeing with the school district that the punishment fit the crime and rather than reprimanding his daughter for being a bully, this father sent a message to his daughter saying that being a “mean girl” is OK. He sent a message to her saying that not only was her behavior acceptable, but that he will do everything in his power to support her. And, he did. Am I the only one disturbed by this message? None of us have perfect kids. We want to support them and stand by them, even when they falter. But when our kids behave badly, there needs to be consequences. This young bully needed help from her father, but not in the legal sense. She needed to talk about why she would do something as extreme as post a vicious video about her classmate. She needed to be reprimanded for her actions. She needed a wake-up call that being mean is not acceptable behavior and that there are consequences. She got none of those things from her father. Instead, she received acceptance and validation for bad behavior.
Her father did not do her any favors.
When a child hurts another child, emotionally or physically, the message should never be – well, in accordance to the law, your behavior was justifiable. Instead, I believe the message should be – well, although you may have a First Amendment right to tease and defame another child to the point of bullish behavior, it is NOT acceptable to me.
What should it matter if the law protects and even rewards the bad behavior of your children? Regardless of the law, being a good role model for your kid is the best lesson you can ever teach them. Be a good person. Treat each other with respect and dignity. Playing nicely with others doesn’t end in the playground. It’s something that we need to remember throughout the duration of our lives. These are the lessons that we need to live by and, most importantly, pass on to our kids.
It’s too bad that the young bully and her father in this story were too busy suing the school district to receive that message.
Anything you would like to add or share? Please comment below.
Wow. If that were my child, my reaction would not be to sue the school. Not over that.
No, my reaction would be more along the lines of, “Just because it’s legal, does not mean it’s okay. What you did was wrong and hurtful, and I hope that this experience shows you that this is not an okay thing to do. Words are powerful, and we should stop and think about the effect they will have before we release them. Because you can never take those words back.”
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Well said Aimee! As an educator for 25 years, I’ve seen a few bullies at my school and this behavior is so emotionally damaging to children. I’m always amazed when parents react by defending their children’s behavior even when there are witnesses. It definitely sends the wrong message to children that this behavior is acceptable. I actually know of one parent who rewarded her child’s bullying by taking her to Dsineyland the day she was suspended for hitting and threatening another student.
I find it totally abhorrent, and agree with your point of view. The parents should have taken the punishment, and re-inforced it with their own.
It should never have gone to court in the first place.
Alternately, the judge (if he had this power) should have ruled maybe that the punishment was harsh, but meted out an alternate one. Because surely the underlying action is still seen as unacceptable behaviour.
pixielation´s last blog ..I’m a legal alien, like a prawn.
What I find reprehensible about all of this is not the judge’s opinion (with which I happen to agree), but the father’s reaction. That an activity may be protected under the First Amendment has nothing to do with whether that activity is appropriate for a 12-year-old or acceptable in an elementary school. A “Fuck the War” t-shirt, flag burning, and even pornography are protected First Amendment speech/activities; none seem appropriate for an eighth grader.
For the father to intervene in the manner he did may have established an interesting legal precedent, but only at the expense of good parenting. Bullying a school district when it appropriately responds to a child’s bullying only reinforces that such behavior is acceptable. No doubt, the daughter learned such gross behavior at home.
The father needs his butt kicked a few times, or some heavy drugs. Something to help him come to his senses and realize the trouble he is creating for his daughter.
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This is outrageous! Apparently the father is a bully too. Unbelievable that the court ruled in favor of the bully! This is just plain wrong.
Visiting from SITS.
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”´s last blog ..My Last Birthday Present From Dad
How terrible!! How did that lawsuit ever get through the system? That is the thing that bothers me. At what point did common sense leave the judicial system? Well, I guess it’s been gone for a long time, but still!
Caution Flag´s last blog ..Putting in my Audience Time
I wonder what the father’s take (other than the obvious) is? I have a feeling he did this so he would be in the paper and promote himself. No real parent – i.e. sole interest is molding and contributing to the healthy emotional and basic teachings of life lessons to get along in society to their children (sorry, I know that was long) would sue the school over their child being suspended for being a bully.
Disgusted.
With love from SITS,
Cristina
Cristina´s last blog ..What Matters Now
It seems they missed the bigger issue. Why is she bullying other kids? What is going on in her life that made her feel she needed to bully them? Since her dad is bullying the school system, did she learn bullying at home.
Stopping by from SITS!
jdaniel’s mom brings up a good point: her parents not only should be letting her know her behavior is totally unacceptable, but also trying to figure out why she is behaving that way. does she have anger issues? fears of peer pressure?
i think it’s so unfortunate that parents would rather be their kids’ friends, or prove points, than to actually be parents!
*from SITS
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When I was teaching middle school, this came up A LOT. Even more with girls, who are MEAN in middle school. I would talk to the parents of the girls who are bullying and it’s amazing to me that the general response was “So what? Kids will be kids. That other kid needs to develop a tougher skin. I’m not going to force my kid to be nice to someone they don’t like.” And this from the parents of kids who didn’t just make one little comment, but who basically terrorized other kids.
Well said. Parents have to step up! Being a “mean girl” is NOT okay. Girls are brutal to each other and all parents of girls (myself included) have to be extra careful to teach our girls that you do not have to bully other girls to move forward in life.
Thanks for visiting me on my SITS day the other week!
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I’m surprised this even made it to court. When kids go to school, they participate under a code of conduct that is (usually?) outlined in their student handbooks. Expectations and consequences are clearly stated and by attending school, a student (and their parents) agree to abide by such a code.
Maybe there was no student handbook at her school, but I’d be surprised.
Still, totally inappropriate on the father’s part. The lack of accountability is terrifying.
Newlywed & Unemployed´s last blog ..Wedding Vows
Here in the UK a girl was sentenced to 7 years in prison this week as her victim jumped out of a second floor window to escape the bullying. I can’t help but wonder if this could have been avoided if the bully had had better parenting. Sad post, this (Stopping by from SITS)
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