Back by popular demand (here you go, Dad), here is my second annual year end review. Want to read my 2009 review? Check it out here.
It’s pretty common for those who work a 9-5 job to get some kind of annual year-end review. For those of us who work the 24/7 job, otherwise known as stay-at-home parents, it’s my belief that we should get a year-end review, too. The only problem is that our bosses typically lack the verbal skills to express a year’s worth of achievements, failures, and everything in between. If my 3 year old boss could actually give me a year-end review, I’m guessing it would go something like this:
Well, Mom, here we are again. Another year is over and it’s safe to say that it’s been an interesting ride. I’ve developed into a fairly typical 3 year old boy. I am obsessed with trains, planes, cars, and anything else that has wheels. I like splashing in puddles and playing in dirt. I like bugs but hate worms. I could live on peanut butter sandwiches, french fries, and chocolate covered pretzels, if you let me. I’m a little shy, especially around girls, but once I get to know someone I don’t want them to leave. I don’t like to share my toys or leave the playground. And I definitely let you know when I’m pissed. I still treat you like a servant yet you STILL smother me to death with love and kisses. I have to admit that I still love the kisses, hugs, and snuggling and I think I’ll still be OK with all that for at least another year or two. So enjoy it while it lasts. We had a lot of hits and misses this past year in terms of behavioral training.
You have to admit, for someone that has supposedly been educated and trained in behavior modification, you’re not perfect when it comes to modifying the behavior of your own 3 year old kid. I throw tantrums when I don’t get my way, I still don’t use the potty, and there is no way in hell you’re going to make me eat that. But, hey, I’m 3 and no “expert” is going to make me do anything I don’t want to do. You can play all the reinforcement games, give me time-outs, and deprive me of my toys and treats, but as you and that Daddy guy have quickly learned, I’m not going to always give in to your demands. Yes, I do believe that I’m smarter and more savvy than you and I will always find a way to get what I want. Oh, you want to give me a time-out? Yes, please! I really enjoy my “me time.” And that toy you just took away? I didn’t care about that either. You really don’t get it, do you. I am perfectly content with playing with a paper towel roll or just sitting in a corner talking to myself and my imaginary friends. Let’s face it, I might get upset about that stuff for a minute or two but then I’ll get distracted and behave nicely as I focus on something else. Oh, that’s the whole point?!? Huh, guess you’re smarter than I thought. Before we end this review, we should go over a few of the goals we had established for the year and see how you fared:
- Wean me off the binkies: Accomplished!
- Wean me off the bottle: Accomplished!
- Wean me off a night bottle: Half-accomplished. It changed from a bottle of milk to a sippy cup of seltzer water
- Potty-train me: Big FAIL. Going once in the potty doesn’t count. I told you that I’ll let you know when I’m ready!
- Learn the alphabet: Somewhat accomplished. I get to G really well and then I skip to O.
- Learn to count to 3: I can count to 10. Well done!
- Stop throwing food: Uh, FAIL. My aim has only improved in the last year.
- Learn to say I LOVE YOU: Accomplished! And, yes, I do mean it.
The upcoming year will be a year filled with big changes. I’m starting preschool next week, so we’ll see how that goes. We talk about it a lot and I’ve met my teacher and new friends, so I think it will go well. I’m sure it’s a bittersweet time for you but I’m sure you’ll enjoy the few extra hours you get a week for yourself. I also know that you’re starting some part-time work with a non-profit philanthropic organization, whatever that means, but I certainly hope that doesn’t impact your work here with me! I’m sure you’ll do just fine. It’ll be good for you to do something new and exciting and have adult conversations that don’t revolve around diapers, tantrums, and your favorite products at Trader Joe’s.
In conclusion, I think you’ve done a great job this year and I’m excited for the future. I think that in addition to that Daddy Dude, we’re a great team. Keep up the good work! Uh, no, there isn’t a raise or a bonus. What? No, I won’t be hiring any additional support staff this year. Sorry, I thought you knew this when you took the position. You and Daddy are the only staff with the occasional help from a “Nana.” Isn’t this job getting easier for you anyways? You’ve been doing it for 3 years! No? It was easier when I was less opinionated, verbal, and active? Ha! Just wait until I’m 13. Happy New Year, readers! May 2011 bring you much joy, love, and happiness.