07
No Shoes? Come On In
You are now entering a shoe-free zone
If you’re a friend or family member of mine, then you know the routine by now:
Take your shoes off at the door, please.
Yes, I am one of those people.
I could blame my need to be shoe-free on my OCD tendencies. I’m certain they are largely responsible. But you could also blame it on a trip to Japan some years back or the influence of my shoe-free sister who has lived throughout Asia for many years. Or you could blame it on the fact that I used to live in one of the dirtiest cities in America. If you have ever stepped foot in San Francisco, you know what I’m talkin’ about. The streets of San Francisco might be beautifully breathtaking but if you ever look down (no, don’t look!) you will find yourself walking in a cesspool of trash and human waste. So when I was living in a downtown SF apartment with WHITE WOOL CARPET (I know, what the hell was our landlord thinking?!?), I finally put my foot down to wearing shoes indoors.
It’s not easy being shoe-free but I do try to make it easy for my guests. When we moved to our new house last year, I made a nice take-off-your-shoes area. I have a leather bench in my entrance hall where people can sit comfortably and remove their shoes. I also have a basket of clean socks and slippers for people to use, and I clean my hardwood floors daily (please don’t say it). I even have over-the-shoe booties for workers or for people that choose not to remove the shoes. Yes, I really am that crazy.
Still, some people complain about it, most notably *ahem* certain husbands. The Dude is definitely not happy about the rule, only because he claims that it’s hard to put his shoes on every morning in the garage. I get that that. We have a shelf for all the shoes near the garage door, but no place to sit. It’s easier for me since I don’t usually wear shoes with laces. I’m sure that the Monkey will complain about it, too (as well as all his friends) but to all of them I say this: when you clean my house to my ridiculously high OCD expectations that no housekeeper has ever lived up to and why I clean the whole house by myself, then you get to make the rules. Until then, Mama rules this shoe-free roost.
Do you have have a no-shoe policy, too, or are you like The Dude who thinks it’s ridiculous? I’d love to hear from you.
19
Time Is Not On Our Side. It Never Was.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
-Ferris Bueller
As a child, I would count down the days to school breaks or to family vacations. As a student, I would count down days until an exam or the end of a semester. Once I started working, I would still count down minutes, hours, and days - is it 5:00 yet? Is it happy hour yet? It’s only Monday? Ugh, I wish it was Friday. Time, it seemed, often consumed me and sometimes even paralyzed me.
I’m still consumed by time, but now I often wish the clock would just stop ticking. How I would love to recapture the feeling of too much time, but I fear it’s impossible. I’m much older and wiser now. I know better. My days fly by in the blink of an eye now. You can blame it on the busyness that adulthood and responsibility brings, but it’s much more simplistic than that. Simply put, life is too short. I just didn’t realize how short it was until I had a child. (continues…)
16
Marriage: The Biggest Identity Thief of All
When I got married a little over four years ago, I did something that I never thought I would do.
I took my husband’s last name.
The Dude never asked me to take his name, nor did he assume I would. After we got engaged, I had a full year to think about whether or not I would change my name. It was a good thing I had that kind of time since it took me about a full year to come to my decision. I went back and forth quite a bit but, in the end, I decided that taking his last name was the best thing to do for logistical purposes. It didn’t matter to me whether or not I shared the same surname as the Dude, but I did want the same surname as our future children.
These days, it’s not necessarily expected for women to take a husband’s last name. I know plenty of wives that never took their husband’s last name and I know plenty more that hyphenated the two surnames together. Some couples are getting creative with sharing a family name. I know couples who adopted both surnames and then hyphenated while others simply combined the last names to create a new name. I’ve even known a few husbands who took the last name of their wife.
As appealing as some of these options were, none of them really seemed like the ideal fit. The Dude liked his name and, considering where he was in his law career, it would have been difficult for him to make a name change. Although I had an established career of my own for many years, I was about to embark in a whole new direction shortly after the wedding. A few months before I got married, I had quit my job in preparation of starting another graduate program and a new career. From that perspective, changing my name was not going to be a problem. I figured if I was going to change my name, there was no better time. It would be a fresh start with everything: new name, new career, and new husband. What’s the big deal about giving up my surname. It’s just a name. Right?
Not really. (continues…)
08
Sippy Cups are for Seltzer Water
My latest shipment of the goods.
Some mamas need a glass of wine or a vodka drink to unwind. Not me.
I want water…but not just any water.
I need seltzer water.
You see, I have an addiction to seltzer water. It’s what I call my crack in a can.
The problem started like any other addiction. A seltzer here. A seltzer there. A seltzer in the morning. A seltzer at night. Now I’m up to a 6-pack a day and I can’t quit. The Dude is also addicted. In fact, he’s the one that got me hooked. He even has this stuff delivered to his office. The worst part of all is that we’re now passing on the problem to the Monkey.
Just like his parents, the Monkey really wasn’t into the filtered water from the fridge. He would never drink water, even if I added some apple juice. He only wanted his milk, which he only takes in a bottle. A few weeks ago, the Dude and I cracked open our usual seltzer cans with dinner and the Monkey started eyeing them. He wanted to try it. At first sip, he was startled by the bubbles and took a step back. But just like any future addict, he came back for more. The next sip startled him again, but this time he giggled. Then he took another sip. And another. Now, seltzer water is all he wants. Mind you, he can’t actually say “seltzer water” but he does yell “WA-WA!!!” while gesturing frantically whenever we crack open a seltzer can.
We’ve created a seltzer-soaked monster. The good news though is that he’s actually drinking water and he drinks it in a sippy cup. He wasn’t doing either of those things a few weeks ago.
So now we all live in a seltzer-crack house and our dealer is the local Safeway/Vons store. I don’t know what it is about their seltzer water, but it’s the best I’ve ever had. And I’ve had ‘em all by now. As you can see by the picture, this isn’t a joke. That’s my most recent shipment, which lasts maybe two months. My seltzer shipments are so big that I actually have to phone the orders in rather than order them online. Now I’m known as the seltzer lady every time I call. You know you have a true seltzer addiction when you call your dealer for a delivery (in this case a major grocery store chain) and they know who you are by the sound of your voice.
P.S. Yes, we recycle.
30
What About Monkey?
Playing, according to Monkey
The Monkey, like his parents, has a few OCD tendencies. Just like Mama, the Monkey needs everything to be clean and organized. Examples? The Monkey enjoys lining up all his toys and will throw a fit if you move his things. He will also pull coasters out for drinks, including his milk bottle. Mama doesn’t even use coasters. Another example? Here we are at today’s playgroup. You will not see other children in the picture because they are playing. The Monkey apparently felt it was more important to sweep.
Almost there...
The Monkey, like the Dude, also enjoys cool gadgets. He especially loves pushing buttons that tend to be noisy. He will become fixated on them until Mama wants to scream. The doorbell has become his biggest source of joy. I’m concerned that his obsession will one day lead into a much bigger problem, like a ding-dong-ditching addiction. I foresee a future filled with many angry neighbors.
OK, OK, I guess these “obsessions” are actually quite common in toddlers. However, if he ever watches “What About Bob” and tells me that he can relate…I’ll blame his dad.