12
Big Brother (Part II)
A few months ago, I wrote about my internal debate about whether or not to make the Monkey a big brother.
The debate still rages within.
I have never been so conflicted about anything in my life. Ever since I decided to become a mother, I assumed that I would have two children. No more, no less. My reasons for not wanting more children may be considered selfish, but they are still valid reasons nonetheless.
I don’t want to be pregnant again. It was an incredible experience to be pregnant but it wasn’t necessarily enjoyable. Simply put, the lack of control over my body was an unpleasant experience. This may have something to do with my OCD tendencies, but I think a lot of women feel this way with or without acknowledging it. I felt the same way about breastfeeding for nine months. For 18 months, my body belonged to another human being. Now that another 18 months have gone by in which I’ve had complete control over my body, I’m not so sure I want to rent it out again.
I enjoy sleeping again. I enjoy having personal time for myself and time for the Dude. Getting time for myself, let alone with my husband, is a luxury. Infants and toddlers tend to put a marriage/partnership on the back-burner when it really needs to be a priority. All marriages/partnerships suffer when children come along and there is a big part of me that doesn’t want my marriage to be affected any more than it has already. Introducing children into your world can be the most beautiful thing in the world, but it can also create a huge strain on family dynamics. (continues…)
12
A Little Housekeeping At AYMB
Just a quick update for my regular readers:
Although I will continue featuring a Mental Monday and Foodie Friday series, they will no longer be a weekly feature. Instead, I anticipate that they will be featured every other week or once a month. As much as I enjoy both series, I feel it’s best that I do not constrain myself too much with two weekly features. I have quickly learned that motherhood, and life in general, doesn’t always take kindly to blogging with strict regularity and structure.
I expect 2010 to be a fun year for Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog. I’ve got some great guest bloggers coming up in the next few months and I’m planning on a few more give-aways throughout the year. And, of course, more rants, raves, and occasional words of wisdom.
Have any questions or comments? You can e-mail me directly at mama at aintyomamasblog dot com.
04
Mental Monday: A Mental Day-Off
My beloved grandmother passed away on New Year’s Day. I was very close with her and I was only given one week to prepare for her death. There is never enough time to prepare for something like that. It’s only been 4 days and I am still reeling from her death. Not only am I mourning the loss of my grandma, but I am angry with the medical staff and health-care she received, or lack thereof. I will discuss these issues more in-depth in upcoming posts. For now, I need to sit with my grief.
A mere 24 hours after my grandmother passed away, we experienced major plumbing issues and water damage in our home. 48 hours and $5,300 dollars later, we’re finally able to use our plumbing once again.
It’s safe to say that 2010 has not started off very well for me. I am grieving. I am angry. I am in desperate need of a hot and relaxing shower.
I am also in need of a mental day-off. It’s good to have one of those every once in a while, especially when you have been slammed with too many stressors at once. Checking in with yourself should be a weekly occurrence, if not a daily one. I haven’t been able to check in with myself in a while, but I’m going to do it now.
I will be taking the rest of the week off from my blog in order to start adjusting my life to my new loss.
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31
A Mama’s Year-End Review
It’s pretty common for those who work a 9-5 job to get some kind of annual year-end review. For those of us who work the 24/7 job, otherwise known as stay-at-home parents, it’s my belief that we should get a year-end review, too. The only problem is that our boss’s typically lack the verbal skills to express a year’s worth of achievements, failures, and everything in between. If my 26 month-old boss could actually give me a year-end review, I’m guessing it would go something like this:
Hi Mama. Thanks for coming into my playroom office for your year-end review. First, I would like to congratulate you on making it through what I believe has been a challenging year. I started the year with a tentative curiosity that has now morphed into a careless daredevil attitude. I leave you exhausted by the evening and wake you up at sunrise to play. I have become a picky and demanding eater and my table manners are still somewhat nonexistent. I may know how to use a fork now, but I can’t promise that the food will always end up in my mouth. My favorite words are “NO!” “NO WAY” and “NONONONONONO!!!!” which are usually expressed in, uh, a very spirited manner. I tend to treat you like a servant and yet you still smother me with love and kisses. Have you always let people walk all over you like this? If so, we may need to address your self-esteem issues.
While some goals have been met and some expectations have been exceeded, there have been some mistakes and even a few outright failures. The year started out great but things started sliding a bit around the first quarter. That’s about the time I started to actually sleep through the night, which apparently led you to believe that you could sleep more on the job, too. You picked up speed again until the 3rd quarter, which is when I understand you started a “Mommy Blog.” I noticed your work performance slacking a bit when I started getting an extra half-hour on my nap schedule and little extra time in front of Sesame Street and Olivia. Look, I appreciate your need to document “mommy” stuff online as well as your desire to communicate with people other than me, Elmo, and Oswald. I get it. The only reason I bring it up is that while I don’t mind your little side projects, I just want to make sure that you still manage to keep the vast majority of your energy on one thing, and one thing only…me.
For the most part, it’s been a good year. I know I’m not the easiest boss in the world. You’ve been a full-time, 24/7 on-call employee of mine for 26 months now. I have to say, you’ve been managing your position quite well overall, especially since you had zero job experience before you took on this position. Let’s be honest, despite your career and educational background, you knew nothing about what this job would actually entail. However, despite your lack of experience, I am a healthy, happy, and well-adjusted 2 year old. For the most part.
Let’s go over the goals from last year as well as discuss the goals for next year. I am happy to report that many of them have been met. Let’s review:
- Learn to say “thank you” : ACCOMPLISHED! (even though I pronounce it “danku”)
- Eat broccoli: ACCOMPLISHED! (yet you still call them “trees”, as if you think I’m arboristically-challenged)
- Sleep in a big-boy bed: ACCOMPLISHED! (although making me sleep on a mattress on the floor during the “transition period” felt almost criminal at times).
- Play well with others: ACCOMPLISHED! (you know I never mean to throw sand in other kid’s eyes, right? Right???)
- Get me into a sleep routine: ACCOMPLISHED! (I just want to add one thing – can we please stop reading Goodnight Moon all the time? That book makes me have weird dreams about old bunnies, jumping cows, and mush).
Now for the bad news. The following goals were not accomplished:
- Wean me off the binkies: FAIL
- Wean me off the bottle: FAIL
- Wean me off a night bottle(s): FAIL
- Potty-train me: (this one is almost laughable) FAIL
- Learn the alphabet: (seriously?) FAIL
- Learn to count to 3: FAIL
- Stop throwing food: FAIL
- Learn to say I LOVE YOU: eh, I can sign it, so I guess that’s a only a semi-FAIL
So instead of creating some new goals for yourself, perhaps you might want to just work on the items that didn’t get accomplished this past year. I’ve got to be honest. It looks like you got your work cut out for you next year, Mama.
In conclusion, you’ve done a fine job as my mom this past year. Since I don’t know anything different and I have nothing to compare you with, I’d even go as far as to say you’ve done excellent work. Keep it up. Oh, and one more thing. You know how I put my fingers in my ears when you sing me a lullaby every night and you think that’s so cute? Well, what I’m really trying to tell you is…STFU! Oh, uh, where did I learn that from? Ummmm, go ask your co-worker…that daddy fellow. Yeah. Anyways. Thanks again for a good year and let’s make next year even better. Now, go gimme some milk. Danku.
Happy New Year, readers! May 2010 be filled with love, joy, and happiness.
28
Mental Monday: My Grandparents’ Guide To Love
My grandmother is dying and it is not known how much longer she will be here with us. It could be days, weeks, or even hours. Up until last night, my family was very confused about what was going on since she seemed perfectly fine a matter of days ago. But the onset of her illness came on very quickly and unexpectedly. My grandfather knew it was bad before any of us could wrap our heads around it. He told us that she was dying before we received any type of confirmation from medical doctors.
No one knows you better than yourself, unless you’ve been married for as long as my grandparents.
Theirs is a love story that spans 70 years. She is 88 years old and he just turned 90. They lived together for nearly 68 years, up until a matter of days ago. They were rarely apart. Now she lies in a hospice bed, exhausted and weak from the dying process. My grandfather visits her, holds her hand, kisses it softly and tells her he loves her. He calls her “sweetheart”, a term of endearment I’ve never heard him call her before. He is very gentle with her, even when she asks him to go away. He won’t go away. He never has and he never will.
Their marriage is far from perfect, and some have even questioned how they managed to stay together so long…including me. I would see them fight. I would see my grandmother in tears or my grandfather’s frustration and anger. But I also saw a very fierce love. It is the type of love that only comes from years of practice. They didn’t always get along, but they always loved each other and respected one another. They love sharing stories with one another and bring up many fond memories of the past. They often talk about how they met, share stories of raising their two boys, leaving New York for California, and all their travels and adventures. They love talking about their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. In essence, they constantly remind each other of all the things that brought them together and kept them together over the seven decades of their life together.
Too many couples forget about the good things that brought them together in the first place. They ignore the things that are essentially the glue to their relationship and the roots to their foundation. It takes years to cultivate a truly deep connection and commitment. It takes work and practice. Far too many people throw in the towel when it become too challenging. If you ask my grandparents, they would tell you that it’s the challenging stuff that really makes you love and respect your partner. When it’s too easy, it’s simply boring.
A few months ago, I asked my grandmother how she managed to stay married for so long. What was her secret? She replied, my feet get too cold at night and I like having grandpa in bed to keep them warm. I laughed when she said that and found it very endearing at the time. It’s only just recently that I have come to the realization that there was actually a deeper meaning to her humorous quip. The best kind of love, the deepest kind of love, is when your partner is simply there for you when you need him or her the most. The challenges, the joys, the tears, the laughter, the warm days and the cold nights – these things are meant to be shared with those who love us. And the best love is the love that endures through all of it.
My grandparents’ love story is not over. It will always endure, even when they pass away. It is a story that is meant to be remembered and passed down to the generations. In a time when marriage seems to be as disposable as the paper used to sign a prenup agreement, theirs is the kind of love story that is truly valuable.
I should only hope to be that fortunate.
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