24
Where’s the remote?
If you’re a parent, then you already know about the one thing that is universal among all infants and toddlers:
The remote control obsession.
Just like phones, the remote control is fascinating to small children. Perhaps the fascination only applies to American children as some prelude to countless hours of future TV watching. Whatever it is, I don’t know one kid that doesn’t want to start flipping through the channels practically straight from the womb.
When my then-infant started fighting me over the remote (hello, Real Housewives is on…sorry that it conflicts with Yo Yo Gabba) I knew that I needed a plan. I had seen giant remote controls in stores before, but always laughed them off as a genius idea for people with vision problems or a gag gift. I quickly realized that they’re even more brilliant than that. Giant remote controls are one of the best toys for small children.
Now, I know what you might be thinking: Um, don’t you prefer wooden, BPA-free, and all-together non-toxic toys?
Yes. However, enjoyable TV watching without fighting a child over the remote control calls for an exception. Two things to remember: don’t put batteries in the damn thing and make sure the kid doesn’t chew on it. Problem solved.
Back to your regularly scheduled program…
30
Happy Annivirthday to me
my cookie
I recently celebrated both my birthday and my wedding anniversary with The Dude. Our anniversary is the day before my birthday. Therefore, we celebrate an annivirthday. We’ve now been married 4 years, I am 33 years old, and I am none the wiser.
I want a cookie.
27
A must-have For Big Lebowski fans
I want this print for my home. Is it inappropriate to decorate my son’s room with a Big Lebowski theme? Probably. I guess it’ll have to go in my hallway.
26
Bumper Stickers: Before you peel off the tape, please read this
I really don’t like bumper stickers.
I don’t care about your Alma Mater, even if it’s the same as mine. I don’t care that you’re pro-life or pro-choice . I don’t want to see the equivalent of a gravestone on your rear window or that you clearly love Papas and Beer (why are those stickers always lopsided?). I also don’t care to know that you voted for Bush/Cheney back in 2004 (you really want to advertise that one?) or that you actually think Palin has a shot in 2012. The only clear shot Palin has is directly aimed at a moose.
However, my biggest issue with bumper sticker trends is anything related to family, especially those ridiculous stick figure families. The ones with names drive me especially crazy.
Why?
Well, because just like the “My Child is an Honor Student at ABC Elementary” and “Baby on Board” stickers, I don’t care for advertising family. I think it’s a big risk to let strangers know where your kid goes to school or that you have an infant in the car. I don’t care about who is in your car or the names of your kids, but you know who might? The neighborhood pedophile. The sex offender that lives in your area. The criminally insane person that decides to follow you home from the store. The jerk on the freeway who you accidentally cut off and is now driving behind you in a threatening and aggressive manner. Yeah. I really don’t want those people to know that I’m a part of the Smith household, I have three children (Jack, Jane, and Jill), two dogs, and my kids go to such-and-such school.
The bottom line is this: there are crazy and dangerous people in the world. And the less they know about you and your family, the better.