Bumper Stickers: Before you peel off the tape, please read this

I really don’t like bumper stickers.

I don’t care about your Alma Mater, even if it’s the same as mine. I don’t care that you’re pro-life or pro-choice . I don’t want to see the equivalent of a gravestone on your rear window or that you clearly love Papas and Beer (why are those stickers always lopsided?). I also don’t care to know that you voted for Bush/Cheney back in 2004 (you really want to advertise that one?) or that you actually think Palin has a shot in 2012. The only clear shot Palin has is directly aimed at a moose.

However, my biggest issue with bumper sticker trends is anything related to family, especially those ridiculous stick figure families. The ones with names drive me especially crazy.

Why?

Well, because just like the “My Child is an Honor Student at ABC Elementary” and “Baby on Board” stickers, I don’t care for advertising family. I think it’s a big risk to let strangers know where your kid goes to school or that you have an infant in the car. I don’t care about who is in your car or the names of your kids, but you know who might? The neighborhood pedophile. The sex offender that lives in your area. The criminally insane person that decides to follow you home from the store. The jerk on the freeway who you accidentally cut off and is now driving behind you in a threatening and aggressive manner. Yeah. I really don’t want those people to know that I’m a part of the Smith household, I have three children (Jack, Jane, and Jill), two dogs, and my kids go to such-and-such school.

The bottom line is this: there are crazy and dangerous people in the world. And the less they know about you and your family, the better.