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Mental Monday: Teens and Parents as Friends? Only on Facebook.
I always cringe when I hear a parent refer to their teenager as their best friend.
Some parents may use that term loosely or merely as thoughtless hyperbole but, for just as many other parents, they really do believe it to be true. They do everything with their teenager. They confide in their child about adult-themed content. They joke about and discuss inappropriate subject matter. They gossip with their teenager about their teenage friends. And the rules, discipline, and structure that may have once been present in the home tends to wane significantly or end altogether.
Why do parents do that?
My guess is that some parents just really don’t know how to parent a teenager.
When your child gets older and enters the pre-teen and teenage years, it can be difficult for some parents to know what role to play. While some parents start tightening the reins on the increasing independence of their children, other parents loosen up and start behaving more like a friend. Many teenagers act like mini-adults and will start testing their parents as they explore their new world between childhood and adulthood. And, as I’m sure we all remember well enough, it’s a tough world to live in. You’re too old to act like a child, but you’re also too young to behave like an adult. It can be very frustrating for both the teenager and the parents.
There is no doubt that as your child grows into a teenager, your role as a parent will shift. Once a child enters the pre-teen years, they tend to seek more validity and approval from friends, rather than parents. The opinions and advice of their parents start to lose some of their power. Once a child begins the long journey of self-discovery and identity, they often turn to the people that help define their image: their peers. Many parents quickly realize that they have lost some influence over their teenager and will resort to treating their teenager as an equal. It could be out of desperation as they strive to keep their independence-seeking teenager close and connected and perhaps regain some approval and respect from their once-adoring child. (continues…)
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Mental Monday: Beating The Holiday Blues
The holiday blues can get to any of us.
‘Tis the season for large family gatherings, spending more money than we should, eating more than we should, and driving ourselves crazy trying to be thankful, happy, and merry.
The “most wonderful time of the year” ain’t always that wonderful.
Holidays can often wreak havoc on our mental health as we try to live up to the emotional expectations and obligations of the holiday season. We are often stressed out and stretched too thin as we prepare for a time of peace and joy. The holiday season can easily take a toll on any of us, but for some people it can be a time filled with serious conflicts and emotions.
There are people that tend to be more prone to the holiday blues. People who have lost a loved one may be flooded with unresolved grief and painful memories of a once joyful time of year. For people with strained relationships with family members, this time of year can be filled with stress and conflict. Some people are not able to join their families for the holidays, which can bring on feelings of guilt and loneliness. And for people and families that are struggling financially, stretching the wallet or debt even more can trigger feelings of shame and depression.
For many people, the next 6 weeks are often filled with anything but holiday cheer.
If you’re feeling stressed or anxious during the upcoming holidays, make the time to check in with yourself. Putting on a happy face to “get through the holidays” isn’t doing anyone any favors, especially not for you. If this time of year is usually more stressful than festive, figure out what you need to do to alleviate that stress and make some changes.
Here are some great tips to beat the Holiday Blues from the Mayo Clinic: (continues…)
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Mental Monday: When Talk Isn’t Cheap. A Guide To Finding A Good Therapist.
A different era of therapy that was simply...'Mad'
Finding a good therapist is very similar to dating. You’re not going to connect with everyone and, chances are, you might have to try out a few different types to find *The One.*
When you’re dating someone and you just don’t feel a connection, you probably won’t continue to see that person…right? Well, the same should go for a therapist. When you see a therapist, whether it’s for 10 weeks, 10 months, or for 10 years (you know, for the Woody Allen types), there needs to be a good connection, a good rapport, and a huge level of trust. Without those essential components, which we all know are necessary for any healthy relationship, it’s just not gonna work. Of course, trust and rapport don’t usually happen overnight. It will probably take a few sessions or more to figure out whether or not the therapist is a good fit or not. It’s OK if the therapist is not the right for you. The best thing to do is tell them. Most therapists don’t take it personally and will even help refer you to someone else. Don’t you wish bad dates would do the same?
The Process of Therapy
There is something important to keep in mind: the therapist is not your friend.
Therapy is and should be hard work and a good therapist will challenge you. Often. Some clients take issue with the challenging stuff because it can be a painful process. The thing to remember is that a therapist is not out to hurt you but rather to help pave a way for you to get to a better place in your life. Good therapists are a support system. They not only help provide you with tools to help you but they also point out the your strengths, some of which may be buried beneath internal conflicts and everyday struggles. A therapist doesn’t give you advice about how to live your life. They won’t tell you that you should leave your spouse, quit your job, or give tough-love to an unruly teenager. They don’t know the answers for you because they will never know you better than you know yourself. They don’t live with the consequences of your life choices. But what they can do is help shine a light on those internal resources and strengths within yourself to help get you to the place you want to be. (continues…)
09
Mental Monday: Sleepless in America
Sleepless in America is the first blog post in a new series called Mental Monday. Every Monday, I will be discussing a new topic within the realm of mental health.
Sleep. We all need it but, not surprisingly, very few of us get enough of it. A 2002 National Sleep Foundation study revealed that about 74% of all American adults experience symptoms of insomnia a few nights a week, or more. Insomnia could mean a variety of things – not able to go to sleep within 15 minutes of laying down, getting up too early, waking up periodically through the night, and not feeling rested the next morning even after an adequate amount of sleep. The research indicated that 39% get less than 7 hours of sleep each weeknight and 37% are so sleepy during the day that it interferes with daily activities. 20% of Americans use sleep medications and 15% use sleep medications every night. Women make up the majority (63%) of the people who suffer most from insomnia. In addition, 66% of people dealing with insomnia have children in the household.
Shocking? Not really.
It doesn’t take much to figure out why parents, and specifically women, have trouble sleeping. Parenting and anxiety tend to go hand-in-hand. There is so much to worry about – money, mortgage, marriage, soccer practice, homework, paying for college, will he get into college?, crazy people, pedophiles, car accidents, H1N1…whew! It’s enough to make any parent stay up with worry every night. But who has the time to worry about all that stuff during the day? We’re too busy being pulled in a million directions and thinking about the next thing we need to do…or just don’t have time to do. Often enough, our anxieties surface much more at night than during the day. As soon as we lay our tired bodies down to sleep, those anxious worries and thoughts may begin to ruminate. It’s hard to go to sleep and stay asleep when there are a billion worrisome thoughts racing around in our minds.
If anxiety is the key factor for restless and altogether sleepless nights, there are many options for people. We all know that medication is one of them. Have you ever taken sleep medication? Chances are you have. The number of people who have tried and/or regularly use sleep medication steadily increases each year. For one thing, there are a lot more options for the sleepless, from herbal and natural remedies such as Melatonin and Tryptophan to over-the-counter sleep aids such as Tylenol PM and Nytol to prescription drugs like Ambien and Trazodone. If you choose to take a sleep medication, whether it’s herbal or prescription, it’s important to do your homework beforehand. Just like any other medication, there can be side effects and possible interactions with other medications. And for prescription medication, especially, there is also a risk for dependence, lowered tolerance, and rebound insomnia. (continues…)