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Mental Monday: Extreme Encouragement
photo from NY Daily News
Before I left my teen years behind, I had three speeding tickets, one solo trip to Spain for a summer, and had jumped out of an airplane. To say I was adventurous (and obviously even reckless at times) is an understatement. I lived for an adrenaline-rush. I craved adventure. I occasionally attempted death-defying activities. I give thanks every day that I made it out of my teen years alive.
My parents didn’t encourage any of these activities. In fact, they made it a point to strongly discourage me. I give them most of the credit for helping me enter adulthood safe and sound.
When I read about 16 year old Abby Sunderland and her extreme goal to sail around the world solo, her behavior and drive didn’t really surprise me. Many, if not most, teenagers are adventurous and crave adrenaline-inducing activities. Many teenagers believe they have the maturity, skills, knowledge, and wisdom of most adults. If not more! Many teenagers believe they are indestructible and live their lives as if harm nor death can ever touch them. It takes a while for them to understand otherwise.
There is a developmental reason why teenagers still need parenting and guidance, especially when they are more inclined to risky and carefree behavior. Teenagers often lack the cognitive ability to make good decisions. Why? Because the adolescent brain is not yet fully developed. Research shows that the prefrontal cortex region of the brain, the area that processes complex cognitive functioning, behaviors, and decision-making skills, is the last part of the brain to mature. The prefrontal cortex, which handles planning, setting priorities, social behavior, weighing consequences, and suppressing impulses, is not fully developed until about the age of 25. (continues…)
31
Mental Monday: In Memoriam Of Former Selves
Every Memorial Day, I pay respect to the men and women who lost their lives for our country.
I also pay respect to my father.
My father survived a tour of duty in Vietnam and earned a Silver Star for his valor. He was only 23, and a newlywed, when he was drafted into the war. I was born about a year after the war ended, so I never knew the person he was before Vietnam. I cannot compare the father I know and love to the young man who left for war, but I do know one thing. He did not return home as the same person. He lost a part of himself on the battlefield, a former self that has never been recovered.
When one enters a war zone, it will be impossible to leave the same. Profound or traumatic experiences will do that to people. No one leaves war unscathed. And, for some, the psychological trauma will sustain long after physical wounds have healed. Like thousands of soldiers who have lived through war, my father deals with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I will not go into more specifics out of respect for his privacy, but I will say that he has been doing exceptionally well despite it.
Not everyone is so fortunate. (continues…)
03
Mental Monday: In Your Dreams
I liken going to sleep to going into a dark theater and having no idea what you’re about to see. You don’t know the title of the show and haven’t seen any previews. You don’t know if the show you are about to experience (and sometimes unwillingly participate in) will be a comedy, a romance, a drama, a thriller, or a horror. More often than not, the dream isn’t exactly something you may have wanted to see. You may wake up feeling happy and peaceful. You may wake up confused, anxious, or even scared. No matter what you’re feeling, pay attention. These dreams are trying to tell you something.
Nearly every night, I experience vivid and realistic dreams that usually dramatize many of the feelings and anxieties I feel consciously and/or subconsciously throughout my day. But sometimes the dreams connect me to issues and feelings that have been building up inside me for a long time coming. It can be fascinating and enlightening to be able to connect my dream experience with what’s going on in my life. What’s even better is when I’m able to connect my dreams with things going on within me that I simply wasn’t aware of beforehand.
Connecting your dreams with your reality can be an especially useful way to help process things going on in your life. All of the emotions and feelings that you might be bottling up or not recognizing can often play out during those 8 hours or so every night when you have zero control over your thoughts. Your dreams can play out your deepest anxieties and fears, but they can also reveal your hidden hopes and desires. Dreams can be important and useful, which leads me to one of the best ways to figure out the meaning behind the dream: (continues…)
19
Mental Monday: Just How Badly Do You Need That Drink?
As I mentioned in a blog post a few weeks ago, April is Alcohol Awareness Month.
That blog post was about the importance of talking to your children about alcohol and I link to a great website developed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Now I want to take this discussion even further and dispense a little more information about alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, and alcohol facts, in general. Why? Because there are millions of people affected by alcohol everyday, whether it’s due to their own alcohol problem or because someone they love has a problem. The U.S. has one of the highest rates of alcohol abuse and dependence in the world and most people know at least one person who has a problem with alcohol. People with alcohol problems need help. It is not something that can be cured on its own without treatment and support. It is something that needs to be recognized and addressed. Treatment for alcohol abuse and dependence is imperative, not only for the health of the person with the problem but for everyone else in their life as well.
What is Alcoholism?
I don’t use the term *alcoholic.* The term *alcoholic* is not a medical or legal term. Instead, I use the terms *alcohol abuse* and *alcohol dependence*. Both can easily be lumped into the term *alcoholic,* but there is a difference:
Alcohol Abuse is the compulsive use of alcohol, using alcohol in excess and during substantial periods of time, planning and thinking about it often, and continuing to use it despite problems. Abusing alcohol impacts relationships and will often impair the ability to function day-to-day.
Alcohol Dependence is a physiological dependence where symptoms for withdrawal will occur after 12 hours of stopping use. Withdrawal symptoms include trembling, sweating, heart palpitations, vomiting, nausea, seizures, delirium, and possible death. Unlike withdrawal from narcotics, withdrawal from alcohol can result in death without in-patient care. You read that correctly: It is the only substance where there is a risk of death during the withdrawal process. Another important piece of information to note is that adolescents do not experience alcohol withdrawal, which is most likely due to the difference in their liver function.
Just because someone abuses alcohol does not mean they are necessarily dependent on alcohol. At least, not yet. Only someone who craves alcohol, needs a large quantity of alcohol to get *high*, cannot stop drinking, and experiences withdrawal symptoms can be defined as alcohol dependent. However, both categories of drinkers will require assistance to quit. (continues…)
12
Mental Monday: To Spank or Not to Spank…Shouldn’t Even Be A Question
When it comes to bringing children into this world, there is an abundance of divisive topics- “natural” births vs. medicated/C-section births, breast-feeding vs. formula-feeding, disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers, pacifiers vs. no-pacifiers, and so forth.
So many of these so-called issues are not really worth my time to argue, simply because I don’t see much harm in opting for one method of doing things over another. My motto is always this; as long as no one is emotionally or physically harmed in the process, whatever works best for your family is the ideal method of doing things. I don’t care whether or not you had a home-birth or had to be induced. I don’t care if you breast-fed or bottle-fed or whether your child wears Huggies or has been trained in Elimination Communication since birth. These types of topics do not concern any of us and we should not judge others for doing something that we ourselves do not include in our parenting repertoire.
However, there is one parenting topic that I believe warrants all the disapproval and judgment that it gets: spanking. (continues…)