Mental Monday: Teens and Parents as Friends? Only on Facebook.

I always cringe when I hear a parent refer to their teenager as their best friend.

Some parents may use that term loosely or merely as thoughtless hyperbole but, for just as many other parents, they really do believe it to be true. They do everything with their teenager. They confide in their child about adult-themed content. They joke about and discuss inappropriate subject matter. They gossip with their teenager about their teenage friends. And the rules, discipline, and structure that may have once been present in the home tends to wane significantly or end altogether.

Why do parents do that?

My guess is that some parents just really don’t know how to parent a teenager.

When your child gets older and enters the pre-teen and teenage years, it can be difficult for some parents to know what role to play. While some parents start tightening the reins on the increasing independence of their children, other parents loosen up and start behaving more like a friend. Many teenagers act like mini-adults and will start testing their parents as they explore their new world between childhood and adulthood. And, as I’m sure we all remember well enough, it’s a tough world to live in. You’re too old to act like a child, but you’re also too young to behave like an adult. It can be very frustrating for both the teenager and the parents.

There is no doubt that as your child grows into a teenager, your role as a parent will shift. Once a child enters the pre-teen years, they tend to seek more validity and approval from friends, rather than parents. The opinions and advice of their parents start to lose some of their power. Once a child begins the long journey of self-discovery and identity, they often turn to the people that help define their image: their peers.  Many parents quickly realize that they have lost some influence over their teenager and will resort to treating their teenager as an equal. It could be out of desperation as they strive to keep their independence-seeking teenager close and connected and perhaps regain some approval and respect from their once-adoring child. (continues…)

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