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Guest Post: The Dude Speaks (and Speaks…) About Marital Name-Change
Dude here. First things first: I didn’t pick that nickname, and I certainly don’t use it at home. Aimee calls me certain expletives and my friends call me by last name. Speaking of last names, after reading Aimee’s identity theft post (the one about maiden names, hyphenation, yadda, yadda), I offered to write a complementary post on the topic, as viewed from my perspective. Here goes…
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
— Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)
The oft-quoted passage from Shakespeare obscures Romeo & Juliet’s real lesson. While a rose by any other name may indeed smell equally sweet, I’m not sure that Signores Montague and Capulet fixated on scent. It was pedigree and genealogy about which they worried, and, to that end, names disclosed and meant quite a bit.
Names come to define and signify us. More than just labels, they also become laden with emotion, identifying information, and meaning; giving up a name means forfeiting a portion of our identity. People have come to know me as my name, and to know my name as me. I wasn’t willing to give that up when I took my vows, and I didn’t expect that Aimee would be any happier to either. (continues…)
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Marriage: The Biggest Identity Thief of All
When I got married a little over four years ago, I did something that I never thought I would do.
I took my husband’s last name.
The Dude never asked me to take his name, nor did he assume I would. After we got engaged, I had a full year to think about whether or not I would change my name. It was a good thing I had that kind of time since it took me about a full year to come to my decision. I went back and forth quite a bit but, in the end, I decided that taking his last name was the best thing to do for logistical purposes. It didn’t matter to me whether or not I shared the same surname as the Dude, but I did want the same surname as our future children.
These days, it’s not necessarily expected for women to take a husband’s last name. I know plenty of wives that never took their husband’s last name and I know plenty more that hyphenated the two surnames together. Some couples are getting creative with sharing a family name. I know couples who adopted both surnames and then hyphenated while others simply combined the last names to create a new name. I’ve even known a few husbands who took the last name of their wife.
As appealing as some of these options were, none of them really seemed like the ideal fit. The Dude liked his name and, considering where he was in his law career, it would have been difficult for him to make a name change. Although I had an established career of my own for many years, I was about to embark in a whole new direction shortly after the wedding. A few months before I got married, I had quit my job in preparation of starting another graduate program and a new career. From that perspective, changing my name was not going to be a problem. I figured if I was going to change my name, there was no better time. It would be a fresh start with everything: new name, new career, and new husband. What’s the big deal about giving up my surname. It’s just a name. Right?
Not really. (continues…)