04
The Attack of Big-Foot!
Add this item to the list of things I wish I had known before the Monkey was born:
My old footprint (alongside the Dude's) - the new footprint might not fit in this frame.
It’s a really bad idea to buy cute and expensive shoes shortly before or after getting pregnant.
Here’s the thing: there is a really good chance that your feet will get bigger during pregnancy. Should that happen, there’s something else to understand – unlike your big belly, your feet don’t shrink back down to size. Do not believe people when they say that the bigger feet are not permanent. I dare those people to try telling that to the 50 or so size 10* shoes that have long been donated to Goodwill.
When I was pregnant, I looked into why my shoes were no longer fitting properly. Yes, I had some swelling in my feet, but that didn’t seem to be the main culprit. Turns out, the same hormone that helps the pelvic floor expand (another touchy and painful subject) will also loosen the ligaments in the feet. That hormone is called relaxin, which is such an appropriate name. All those ligaments just simply relax and let loose…literally.
For some lucky women (raises hand), the feet don’t just grow longer but they also grow wider, which can be attributed to all those extra pregnancy pounds. I really wish I had known this because I would’ve done things differently, like not buy those Tory Burch flats in celebration of my new pregnancy.
So what can be done about loose ligaments and squashed feet? You want the truth? Absolutely nothing, except to go shopping. Chances are, you”ll squeeze back into your pre-baby clothes at some point. Just don’t assume that you’ll fit back into your shoes, too.
*Yes, I am very much aware that I already had big feet to begin with. In my defense, I’m also 5’9″, so the big feet do come in handy.
01
Hush Little Baby…Please Go to Sleep!
No one truly appreciates the value of sleep until they have children.
Shush!
As I fondly look back at my pre-kid years of blissful slumber, I wonder how I’ve been managing to get through my parenting days with roughly 6 hours of sleep a night. Mind you, that is not always 6 consecutive hours of sleep. That would be manageable. No, my sleep stages are sometimes peppered with little interruptions from the Monkey. There are nights when he will sleep peacefully through the night. But then, as most parents experience, there are nights when it is a battle to get to the Delta zone.
We all hear from parents who claim that their children have slept through the night since they were 2 months old. Unless you CIO, Ferberize, or do some other form of sleep-training that involves crying-it-out, infants that sleep through the night are not typical. I had heard about CIO and Dr. Ferber way before I had a kid. I had been educated and trained in behavior modification, so this was nothing new to me. However, I had never actually attempted to personally modify the sleep behavior of an infant, especially my own infant. To say it was much more difficult than I anticipated would be a huge understatement. (continues…)
30
What About Monkey?
Playing, according to Monkey
The Monkey, like his parents, has a few OCD tendencies. Just like Mama, the Monkey needs everything to be clean and organized. Examples? The Monkey enjoys lining up all his toys and will throw a fit if you move his things. He will also pull coasters out for drinks, including his milk bottle. Mama doesn’t even use coasters. Another example? Here we are at today’s playgroup. You will not see other children in the picture because they are playing. The Monkey apparently felt it was more important to sweep.
Almost there...
The Monkey, like the Dude, also enjoys cool gadgets. He especially loves pushing buttons that tend to be noisy. He will become fixated on them until Mama wants to scream. The doorbell has become his biggest source of joy. I’m concerned that his obsession will one day lead into a much bigger problem, like a ding-dong-ditching addiction. I foresee a future filled with many angry neighbors.
OK, OK, I guess these “obsessions” are actually quite common in toddlers. However, if he ever watches “What About Bob” and tells me that he can relate…I’ll blame his dad.
29
Roman Polanski: A Mama’s Nightmare is Defended in Hollywood
Now that the arrest of Roman Polanski has finally been made, and justice will hopefully be served, several members of the Hollywood Elite have made it known that they’ve got his back.
Ran from the law and right into Hollywood's open arms.
The crime, and the aftermath, is enough to make any Mama sick.
We all know the details by now: Roman Polanski, an Oscar-winning movie director, fled to France in 1978 after he plead guilty to drugging and raping a 13-year old girl. Polanksi fled to France because he feared the judge in the case was going to back out of a plea bargain. Before he left the country, Polanski had served only 42 days in a California jail. When he moved to France, Polanski married a beautiful woman, had children, and continued to make brilliant award-winning movies.
As Polanski now sits in a Swiss jail awaiting a verdict on extradition back to the U.S., his representatives and even his victim are asking everyone to move on. His victim claims that she has forgiven Polanski, that she is over it, and that the media caused her more distress than the crime itself. Roman Polanski’s rep says that he has “paid his dues” and has suffered enough. Among the celebrities speaking out and signing a petition calling for Polanski’s exoneration are Woody Allen (ironic, much?), Martin Scorsese, Jonathan Demme, John Landis, Sam Mendes, Tilda Swinton, Monica Belluci, Harvey Weinstein, and Debra Winger, to name a few. Better yet, Whoopi Goldberg decidedly said that the crime wasn’t “rape-rape.” Would you care to elaborate on that one, Ms. Goldberg?
A 44 year old man drugging and raping a 13 year old is RAPE, plain and simple. (continues…)
28
The Mama Resume
I think stay-at-home parents should be able to put this job down on their resume. It makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s the most challenging job in the world.
If you are someone who stays home with infants or toddlers, you are required to work 24/7, including holidays. You are always on-call. You get no breaks (unless you count nap-time, but that’s usually code for chore-time) and the pay is lousy. Sure, the boss might be the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and will melt your heart with a smile, but he or she is probably also one of the most ungrateful people you’ve ever met. There is never a “please” or a ”thank you” for all your hard work. Oh, and the boss has probably pissed, pooped, or vomited all over you…at least a hundred times.
You know, any other employee would have a legitimate lawsuit against their boss for doing such inhumane things. Stay-at-home-parents just get to do it all over again tomorrow.
Where’s a union when you need one?