17
Oh, The People in My Neighborhood
I see neighbors. And I hear them, too.
I hear about people who are friends with their neighbors. I hear about fun block parties and kids who all play in the cul-de-sac street together. I hear about neighborhood kids who grow up together as best friends and the few who actually end up marrying the girl-next-door. I hear about moms who can easily drop their kid(s) off with a neighbor for an hour to run an errand or the dads who borrow a lawnmower. And the neighbor is more than happy to return the favor. Anytime!
Who are these people and where do they live?
I don’t even know the names of my neighbors. I probably wouldn’t even ask my neighbors for a cup of sugar, let alone ask for an hour of babysitting. That’s just not how it works on my block.
After living the apartment lifestyle for more than a decade, I was used to not having many, if any, interactions with my neighbors. The only time I would see a neighbor was in the elevator on my ride up to the 11th floor. The occasional nod of the head, hurried hello, or mention of the weather was our only form of communication. And, if there was a problem with a neighbor, well that’s what the homeowners association and yahoo groups forum was for. Complain to them! I guess you can call it passive-aggressive neighboring.
So when we bought our first house and moved to the ‘burbs exactly one year ago, I expected to be greeted by a few *real* housewives, families with kids the same age as my kid, perhaps some cool couples who were the same age as us, and at least a few friendly people who would welcome us into the neighborhood with a homemade pie and an invite to a BBQ.
Instead, I got the nosy neighbors that like to peek over our fences (hello, I see you!), strange neighbors that keep a huge pile of dirt on their driveway (did they just bury someone?), yipping dogs that bark at me through my fence every time I’m in the backyard (you’re worse than a cat!), an elderly man who*joked* about running me over as I walked with my son in his stroller (haha…good one, asshole), and a few very loud teenagers who enjoy late-night parties almost as much as they enjoy revving their car engines at 6am on a Saturday morning (yes, you little twits, that was me who called the police and then knocked on your door early the next morning to talk to your mother).
Welcome to the neighborhood, indeed.
The moral of the story is: just like your family, you can’t choose your neighbors. We sometimes just have to learn how to deal with them. Or not.
I’m still learning.
16
Mental Monday: When Talk Isn’t Cheap. A Guide To Finding A Good Therapist.
A different era of therapy that was simply...'Mad'
Finding a good therapist is very similar to dating. You’re not going to connect with everyone and, chances are, you might have to try out a few different types to find *The One.*
When you’re dating someone and you just don’t feel a connection, you probably won’t continue to see that person…right? Well, the same should go for a therapist. When you see a therapist, whether it’s for 10 weeks, 10 months, or for 10 years (you know, for the Woody Allen types), there needs to be a good connection, a good rapport, and a huge level of trust. Without those essential components, which we all know are necessary for any healthy relationship, it’s just not gonna work. Of course, trust and rapport don’t usually happen overnight. It will probably take a few sessions or more to figure out whether or not the therapist is a good fit or not. It’s OK if the therapist is not the right for you. The best thing to do is tell them. Most therapists don’t take it personally and will even help refer you to someone else. Don’t you wish bad dates would do the same?
The Process of Therapy
There is something important to keep in mind: the therapist is not your friend.
Therapy is and should be hard work and a good therapist will challenge you. Often. Some clients take issue with the challenging stuff because it can be a painful process. The thing to remember is that a therapist is not out to hurt you but rather to help pave a way for you to get to a better place in your life. Good therapists are a support system. They not only help provide you with tools to help you but they also point out the your strengths, some of which may be buried beneath internal conflicts and everyday struggles. A therapist doesn’t give you advice about how to live your life. They won’t tell you that you should leave your spouse, quit your job, or give tough-love to an unruly teenager. They don’t know the answers for you because they will never know you better than you know yourself. They don’t live with the consequences of your life choices. But what they can do is help shine a light on those internal resources and strengths within yourself to help get you to the place you want to be. (continues…)
13
Foodie Friday: There’s Something About Ina
The Fabulous Barefoot Contessa
Foodie Friday is my newest weekly series about all things food. What does food have to do with a parenting blog? Everything. Other than love and shelter, children rely on us to nourish them well and help them grow healthy and strong. Food fuels the body and feeds the soul. I love cooking almost as much as I love eating. I will be sharing my own family recipes as well as advice and recipes from professional chefs. Foodie Friday won’t just be about recipes. I’ll be discussing other aspects of food, such as sociopolitical issues related to food and American food culture, in general. As I dish about dishes and feed your mind, I hope you work up an appetite for some good eats!
To get this Foodie Friday started, I need to discuss my most important icon for all things foodie and fabulous. I’m talking about none other than The Barefoot Contessa.
Ina Garten is the Barefoot Contessa and if you’re not familiar with her, please set your DVR to the Barefoot Contessa program on Food Network. What I love most about Ina’s cooking style is that it’s simple and elegant. Sure, her recipes tend to lean in the hearty (read: fattening) comfort zone, but she can also whip up delicious recipes that are very healthy and lean. Her lemon and garlic roast chicken (minus the butter and bacon) has become a weekly staple in my house. I found myself watching her program years ago and I became fixated on her approach and cooking demeanor. She also has this soothing and reassuring voice, as if to say, of course you can cook that! Some people take issue with her suggestions for “good” products only, such as “good” olive oil or “good” salt, which I take to mean expensive. She also always suggests homemade chicken stock. As much as I value her culinary opinions, I also value my time and wallet much more. I buy decent quality products that aren’t expensive and I buy chicken stock.
Ina is not a formally trained chef and it shows. But that’s what I like about her since I’m not either. Ina just really loved to cook and throw dinner parties, so she gave up her career working as a budget analyst in the White House to open a specialty foods store and catering service in the Hamptons. It became so popular that eventually Food Network sought her out for her own cooking show. As Ina would say, how fabulous is that?!? (continues…)
11
Turn Off Yo Gabba Gabba. It’s TV Time For Yo Mama
My favorite kind of mail
I know that billions of parents were (and are) able to live without DVR’s and Netflix…but I’m just glad I’m not one of them. Just like anyone else, I need a break from reality for a few minutes every day. Rather than rely on psychotropic hallucinogens or a few glasses of wine, I’d rather just escape through the TV or a good book. I hate to say it, but TV usually wins. Hey, to give me some credit, I’m in the middle of a 750 page book on Lincoln. Wouldn’t you rather watch Rock of Love, too? Er, actually…me neither.
I hate scheduling my life around TV programs and I always hated that growing up. If you missed Saturday morning cartoons or an episode of The Wonder Years or Full House, you were screwed until the following week. Missed that one episode of Friends or Melrose Place? Bummer. You would find out what Ross and Rachel were up to from your real friends. I remember actually taping shows off the VCR, which never seemed to work well for me. I would usually either record way too early or stop taping way too soon. I don’t even know how many times I would attempt to record off an already full tape. It all seems so ancient in these TIVO’d times. We had it so rough, didn’t we?
One of my favorite things to do after putting the Monkey to bed is get an hour or so every night to unwind with the Dude and watch a great show together. Rather than wait for a new episode of some show every week, we rely on Netflix to enjoy entire seasons at a time. We tend to like shows that incite a discussion or even a debate. In other words, shows that tend to be on HBO or Showtime. Wondering what shows couples can enjoy watching together? Here’s our list of must-watch TV: (continues…)
09
Mental Monday: Sleepless in America
Sleepless in America is the first blog post in a new series called Mental Monday. Every Monday, I will be discussing a new topic within the realm of mental health.
Sleep. We all need it but, not surprisingly, very few of us get enough of it. A 2002 National Sleep Foundation study revealed that about 74% of all American adults experience symptoms of insomnia a few nights a week, or more. Insomnia could mean a variety of things – not able to go to sleep within 15 minutes of laying down, getting up too early, waking up periodically through the night, and not feeling rested the next morning even after an adequate amount of sleep. The research indicated that 39% get less than 7 hours of sleep each weeknight and 37% are so sleepy during the day that it interferes with daily activities. 20% of Americans use sleep medications and 15% use sleep medications every night. Women make up the majority (63%) of the people who suffer most from insomnia. In addition, 66% of people dealing with insomnia have children in the household.
Shocking? Not really.
It doesn’t take much to figure out why parents, and specifically women, have trouble sleeping. Parenting and anxiety tend to go hand-in-hand. There is so much to worry about – money, mortgage, marriage, soccer practice, homework, paying for college, will he get into college?, crazy people, pedophiles, car accidents, H1N1…whew! It’s enough to make any parent stay up with worry every night. But who has the time to worry about all that stuff during the day? We’re too busy being pulled in a million directions and thinking about the next thing we need to do…or just don’t have time to do. Often enough, our anxieties surface much more at night than during the day. As soon as we lay our tired bodies down to sleep, those anxious worries and thoughts may begin to ruminate. It’s hard to go to sleep and stay asleep when there are a billion worrisome thoughts racing around in our minds.
If anxiety is the key factor for restless and altogether sleepless nights, there are many options for people. We all know that medication is one of them. Have you ever taken sleep medication? Chances are you have. The number of people who have tried and/or regularly use sleep medication steadily increases each year. For one thing, there are a lot more options for the sleepless, from herbal and natural remedies such as Melatonin and Tryptophan to over-the-counter sleep aids such as Tylenol PM and Nytol to prescription drugs like Ambien and Trazodone. If you choose to take a sleep medication, whether it’s herbal or prescription, it’s important to do your homework beforehand. Just like any other medication, there can be side effects and possible interactions with other medications. And for prescription medication, especially, there is also a risk for dependence, lowered tolerance, and rebound insomnia. (continues…)