12
Mental Monday: One Angry Man
I read what Mel Gibson said in those tapes to his ex-girlfriend. I didn’t actually hear the tapes, but I read the dialogue. Like most people who heard or read the words that came out of Mr. Gibson’s mouth, I was disgusted. It’s pretty easy to suggest that Mr. Gibson is racist, bigoted, and misogynistic. Ever since that alcohol-fueled episode in 2006, it’s been apparent to the public that Mel Gibson deals with demons. But, these recent tapes were more chilling. These words were directed to the mother of his infant child. They were scary and hateful. The venomous words that spewed from Mr. Gibson’s mouth were beyond misogyny and racism. They were filled with rage.
Anger and rage are not the same. Anger, when expressed in a civilized and controlled way, is a healthy feeling and expression. When anger is suppressed, it only damages the person holding it inside. But when anger is expressed in a volatile way, such as Mr. Gibson’s case, it is beyond anger. It is rage. Anger is not violent. It is not harmful. On the contrary, expressed angry can be healthy and constructive. Rage is not. Rage is distressing. It is harmful. It is emotionally abusive.
Everyone gets angry at some point or another, but not everyone deals with anger the same way. There are three ways people tend to deal with anger: avoid anger, explode with anger, or express anger in a healthy and positive way. Women, more often than men, tend to avoid expressing anger while more men than women explode with anger. Women tend to internalize their anger and suffer in silence. There could be various reasons for that, but it is especially the case when a women is in an abusive relationship. Women who are in relationships with men that explode with anger often suppress their own anger and other emotions. They fear that expressing their own anger will set their husband or partner off. And, rightfully so, in many cases. (continues…)
08
On All The Things That Make Me Beautiful: Book Review and Give-Away!
“….our potential is endless. Even when we’re tired and beaten down, drained and out of steam, frustrated and full of rage, or broke and without a dime, our God-given potential for greatness is intact and abundant. It’s an innate power that comes free with birth, but often gets ignored and forgotten as life takes hold.”
In our world today, it can be a challenge for young women to gain self-confidence and a healthy perspective and awareness on life, in general. From a much-too early age, we are inundated with negative images, words, and beliefs. Many young women are brought up to believe that there are limitations. We live in a society that often projects to girls and women that there is only one standard of beauty, one way to behave, one way to be treated, one way to love, and so forth. Blogger and author Nadirah Angail, who has a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, wrote this book to remind girls and women that the only *one* thing you need to do in life is to love and believe in yourself.
This book, composed of easy-to-read short blog-style essays, offers women of all ages advice and many words of wisdom. It’s a book that many older women may wish their younger selves had read. Angail address a number of topics that relate to women of all ages, from learning the signs of healthy love versus unhealthy love, red flags and deal breakers for relationships, on overcoming the end of the *honeymoon* phase in a relationship, dealing with negative friendships, self-doubt, self-acceptance, forgiveness, personal reflection, and being responsible for your own happiness. (continues…)
08
Lead-Free Kids: Give-Away Winner!
The winner for the give-away items sponsored by Lead-Free Kids is comment #5! Congrats, Victoria! I will be contacting you shortly via e-mail.
Have you checked out that shiny new badge on my home-page for Lead-Free Kids? If you feel as strongly as I do about the prevention of lead-poisoning, a serious health problem that affects one million children nationwide today, please feel free to download the badge to your website as well.
Congrats again to the winner of the give-away and a BIG thank you to Lead-Free Kids for all you do to help prevent lead poisoning.
06
Longing For An Ordinary Life
On the 4th of July, that day of all days, my baby brother deployed to Afghanistan.
For my family, this meant two things. My brother, an Army psychologist, had to leave his base in Europe and say goodbye to his pregnant wife and two year old son for the next year. It also meant that, as of the 4th of July, both my brother and sister are now living in Afghanistan.
As I spent the long holiday weekend at the beach, enjoying the company of my family and good friends, my mind was elsewhere. It was on a military plane that was flying my brother to a war zone. It was in the isolated desert compound where my sister lives and in the helicopter that transports her to various work assignments. It was with her husband, my brother-in-law, patiently waiting for his wife to return home to him. It was with my pregnant sister-in-law, living alone in Europe with her toddler, missing her husband tremendously. It was with my two year old nephew, not old enough to grasp that his daddy won’t be there every night to read him a story before going to sleep.
My brother and sister, the two people I grew up with fighting and loving along the way, do not live typical American lives. And when people you love are living an extraordinary life, it makes you appreciate your ordinary life all the more.
A few months ago, my sister called to say hello. It was 2 am her time and she had been watching her DVD’s of the TV show 30 Rock. While watching the show, she had become homesick. There is always a little ache within her – she always misses her husband and her family. But what surprised her were the little things that caused her to miss home even more, like watching a TV character drink a Starbucks coffee while casually walking down a busy city street. It was a simple reminder of her former life. She longed to do those little things that most of us take for granted, the simple things that provide normalcy. We don’t give walking down the street with a coffee in our hand a second thought. We don’t consider going to the grocery store to buy fresh food or go window shopping at the mall a big deal. Why would we? Living ordinary lives gives us the power and freedom to ignore everyday things.
When families are separated for a while, for whatever reason, it’s not just the big events that will be missed. My sister has had to miss wedding anniversaries, birthdays, and funerals. My brother will miss the birth of his second child and his son’s third birthday. But, perhaps even more importantly, is that they will also miss the normal everyday family stuff like cooking and eating meals together, going on a walk around the neighborhood, enjoying a fun day at the park or beach, or reading a story to your child at bedtime and giving him a kiss goodnight.
I spent the 4th doing what most American families were doing, spending the day with family and friends and enjoying the fireworks. My normal and simple life will continue as usual, but a big part of my mind and heart will be in Afghanistan for a while. I will be waiting for my brother and sister. Waiting for them to return back to an ordinary life.
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- Enjoying the beach on the 4th
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- Fireworks on the 4th
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- It was loud!
29
A Boy And His (Future) Dog
Ready to go play with the pool guy's dog
We don’t have a dog yet, but we would like to have one soon. The Monkey will be 3 in October and I think 3 is a great age to welcome your first dog.
The process to find a perfect dog for our home has already been challenging. We joined two wait lists with local agencies to adopt a rescue dog quite a while ago. We knew the wait would be long, but the reality is that it might not happen at all. Both agencies told us that it’s difficult to place a rescue dog in a home with a very young child, even if that dog came from a family with young kids. So we waited. The question is, nearly two years later, do we still wait? I think we’ve waited long enough.
Since we won’t buy a dog from a pet store or from any other puppy mill, it’s time to start looking for a good breeder with a reputable history. Now comes the hard part – what type of breed will work for our family? The Dude was raised mostly with Golden Retrievers while I raised with a few different mutts. We both love Golden and Labrador Retrievers, but I’m concerned about their size and shedding issue.
Here’s a few other considerations. The majority of our home has dark maple wood flooring that can scratch easily. I know what you’re thinking – yes, we were dumb to install flooring like that with a toddler. Not only is it getting scratched here and there but it is, by far, the most challenging floor I’ve ever had to keep clean. And I’ve even had white carpeting! I have to break out the Bona cleaner at least once a day, but I also blame that on my OCD cleaning habits. All of this is to say that we’ll need a dog that doesn’t mind getting his nails clipped regularly and doesn’t shed that much. I believe that may rule out the Retrievers.
More importantly than shedding and cleaning, I want a friendly dog. A dog that can be trained easily. I want a dog that will play with my son but not be too aggressive or jumpy. I also want a dog that won’t bark all the time, like when the doorbell or phone rings.
I have many concerns simply because I want a dog that will fit most of our needs. But my biggest priority is what dog will be best for a toddler and for our family. So, now my question goes out to all my readers out there who grew up with dogs or who many have a family dog now:
What type of dog is your perfect family dog?