30
Mental Monday: Teens and Parents as Friends? Only on Facebook.
I always cringe when I hear a parent refer to their teenager as their best friend.
Some parents may use that term loosely or merely as thoughtless hyperbole but, for just as many other parents, they really do believe it to be true. They do everything with their teenager. They confide in their child about adult-themed content. They joke about and discuss inappropriate subject matter. They gossip with their teenager about their teenage friends. And the rules, discipline, and structure that may have once been present in the home tends to wane significantly or end altogether.
Why do parents do that?
My guess is that some parents just really don’t know how to parent a teenager.
When your child gets older and enters the pre-teen and teenage years, it can be difficult for some parents to know what role to play. While some parents start tightening the reins on the increasing independence of their children, other parents loosen up and start behaving more like a friend. Many teenagers act like mini-adults and will start testing their parents as they explore their new world between childhood and adulthood. And, as I’m sure we all remember well enough, it’s a tough world to live in. You’re too old to act like a child, but you’re also too young to behave like an adult. It can be very frustrating for both the teenager and the parents.
There is no doubt that as your child grows into a teenager, your role as a parent will shift. Once a child enters the pre-teen years, they tend to seek more validity and approval from friends, rather than parents. The opinions and advice of their parents start to lose some of their power. Once a child begins the long journey of self-discovery and identity, they often turn to the people that help define their image: their peers. Many parents quickly realize that they have lost some influence over their teenager and will resort to treating their teenager as an equal. It could be out of desperation as they strive to keep their independence-seeking teenager close and connected and perhaps regain some approval and respect from their once-adoring child. (continues…)
02
Express Yourself
Eat your heart out, Pollock!
At every stage of life, nothing can quite soothe the soul and foster creativity and imagination like artistic expression. For children, this is especially true. Many therapists use art therapy as a means to understand someone who is too young to express him or herself with words. There is not one person who cannot create something in an artistic form, whether it’s with sketching, painting, sculpting, writing, poetry, music, singing, dance, or drama. I believe that parents who limit or neglect artistic expression in their homes are doing a huge disservice to their children. It’s not about talent. It’s about expressing oneself. Children often feel like they don’t have a voice in the world and art can help them speak.
As a 24 month old toddler, this is the perfect time to introduce the Monkey to different art forms. The best way to do that is just let the little one create. I put some newspaper or a vinyl tablecloth down on my kitchen table and lay out different supplies. We use playdoh, clay, and a small amount of different uncooked pastas, which is a great way to introduce little ones to different textures and the art of sculpture. We will go outside and use chalk to graffiti our fences, driveway, and sidewalk. We use crayons, markers, and stickers to create masterpieces. Like most children, the Monkey is really quite good at abstract expression. We’re working on portraits, but we’re not quite there yet.
In addition to creating our own art, we often venture out into the world of art. The Monkey was born in San Francisco and we started visiting museums with him before he was even a month old. Sure, he slept through most of the trips, but when he was awake it was quite a stimulating experience for him. We moved to another area of California that is filled with museums, many of which cater to children. It is something I greatly enjoy doing with him. He might not be able to understand the different periods of art or tell me how he interprets a certain painting, but I know he is taking it all in and expanding his creative side. (continues…)
28
Baby Einstein: Genius Guaranteed! (or your money back)
The Key for Harvard? Yeah. Right.
Pardon me for being blunt, but if you’re someone who actually thinks your kid is going to become a brainiac from watching videos of funny puppets, drooling babies, and flying toys, well, then you’re clearly no Einstein yourself.
Just sayin’.
For those not in the know, I’m talking about the refund offered by Disney for the Baby Einstein videos. That’s right. Disney will refund your money if you’re not happy with the product or, in other words, your kid is not any “smarter” from watching their DVD’s. Baby Einstein is calling it the “DVD Upgrade/Moneyback Guarantee” and they will refund up to 4 Baby Einstein DVD’s purchased between June 5, 2004 and September 4, 2009. The offer is good through March 4, 2010.
I have at least 4 of those DVD’s and I will not be returning any of them.
My kid just turned two years old and he no longer watches Baby Einstein, but he used to watch it a few times a week (among other videos) starting from around 8 months. Despite the fact that those videos drove me crazy, we watched them because my kid loved them. Why wouldn’t he? Crazy graphics, flying objects, catchy music, cute drooling babies, talking puppets…it might make you want to hurl something at the TV but it’s very fun for little ones, to say the least. But is it also educational? Will it make him grow up to cure cancer or create world peace? Is he a future Doogie Howser or Bill Gates? Highly unlikely. Should he actually grow up to be a genius, (which is *ahem* very likely), I doubt I’ll be framing those Baby Einstein DVD’s right next to his Nobel Peace Prize and diplomas from Harvard. But, in all seriousness, here’s what I really value from Baby Einstein and other baby/toddler-oriented videos – they are pure entertainment. (continues…)
21
Warning: Parenting Is Hazardous to Your Health
Parenting should come with a warning label.
Let’s start with pregnancy. It’s been said that the physical strain of pregnancy and childbirth can take a year off your life. For some of us, that experience might have shaved off about five years. Remember that life sucking machine from the movie, Princess Bride? Well, that’s what labor felt like for me.
After the kid is born, it’s all about the kid. You barely have time to shower and throw on some lip-gloss let alone check in with your physical and mental well-being. Sure, you’re in and out of doctors offices all the time, but you rarely (if ever) see one for yourself. Oh, you’ve had a migraine for a week? A weird bump? A lingering cough? Who has time to check in with a real doctor? That’s why they invented WebMD.
When your kid starts preschool, it’s all downhill from there. Children become carriers for all things germy and disease-ridden. There is no doubt that you will get sick when you have kids. Often. If your child has a runny nose and cough, expect to wake up the next morning with the same problem. You’ll probably get even more sick than the kid, but you don’t have time to wallow in Kleenex-wrapped pity. Get back in the kitchen and make their lunch! And, speaking of lunch, who has time to eat it? You might serve your kid organic and nutritious meals, but you’re often relegated to live off saltines, canned chili, and whatever particles of food are left on the highchair. (continues…)
19
Time Is Not On Our Side. It Never Was.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
-Ferris Bueller
As a child, I would count down the days to school breaks or to family vacations. As a student, I would count down days until an exam or the end of a semester. Once I started working, I would still count down minutes, hours, and days - is it 5:00 yet? Is it happy hour yet? It’s only Monday? Ugh, I wish it was Friday. Time, it seemed, often consumed me and sometimes even paralyzed me.
I’m still consumed by time, but now I often wish the clock would just stop ticking. How I would love to recapture the feeling of too much time, but I fear it’s impossible. I’m much older and wiser now. I know better. My days fly by in the blink of an eye now. You can blame it on the busyness that adulthood and responsibility brings, but it’s much more simplistic than that. Simply put, life is too short. I just didn’t realize how short it was until I had a child. (continues…)