On the 4th of July, that day of all days, my baby brother deployed to Afghanistan.

For my family, this meant two things.  My brother, an Army psychologist, had to leave his base in Europe and say goodbye to his pregnant wife and two year old son for the next year. It also meant that, as of the 4th of July, both my brother and sister are now living in Afghanistan.

As I spent the long holiday weekend at the beach, enjoying the company of my family and good friends, my mind was elsewhere. It was on a military plane that was flying my brother to a war zone. It was in the isolated desert compound where my sister lives and in the helicopter that transports her to various work assignments. It was with her husband, my brother-in-law, patiently waiting for his wife to return home to him. It was with my pregnant sister-in-law, living alone in Europe with her toddler, missing her husband tremendously. It was with my two year old nephew, not old enough to grasp that his daddy won’t be there every night to read him a story before going to sleep.

My brother and sister, the two people I grew up with fighting and loving along the way, do not live typical American lives. And when people you love are living an extraordinary life, it makes you appreciate your ordinary life all the more.

A few months ago, my sister called to say hello. It was 2 am her time and she had been watching her DVD’s of the TV show 30 Rock. While watching the show, she had become homesick. There is always a little ache within her – she always misses her husband and her family. But what surprised her were the little things that caused her to miss home even more, like watching a TV character drink a Starbucks coffee while casually walking down a busy city street. It was a simple reminder of her former life. She longed to do those little things that most of us take for granted, the simple things that provide normalcy. We don’t give walking down the street with a coffee in our hand a second thought. We don’t consider going to the grocery store to buy fresh food or go window shopping at the mall a big deal. Why would we? Living ordinary lives gives us the power and freedom to ignore everyday things.

When families are separated for a while, for whatever reason, it’s not just the big events that will be missed. My sister has had to miss wedding anniversaries, birthdays, and funerals. My brother will miss the birth of his second child and  his son’s third birthday. But, perhaps even more importantly, is that they will also miss the normal everyday family stuff like cooking and eating meals together, going on a walk around the neighborhood, enjoying a fun day at the park or beach, or reading a story to your child at bedtime and giving him a kiss goodnight.

I spent the 4th doing what most American families were doing, spending the day with family and friends and enjoying the fireworks. My normal and simple life will continue as usual, but a big part of my mind and heart will be in Afghanistan for a while. I will be waiting for my brother and sister. Waiting for them to return back to an ordinary life.

The best moments in life are not filled with words. Only love. The Dude and The Monkey, on vacation, in 2008.

Seven years ago, this week, I was introduced to the Dude by my sister.

Before I met him, there was a trend with most of the guys I dated. The more I got to know them, the less I liked them. The opposite was true with the Dude. After every e-mail, phone call, or date, I liked him even more. Within a month, I knew this guy had *The One* potential. But what really locked my heart up was something he said to me shortly after we started dating.

During one of our many conversations about life ambitions, goals, and dreams, the Dude mentioned that he could not wait to be a father. That really floored me, mostly because having kids was the last thing on my mind. I had too many other important things to do, like finish my graduate degree and get a promotion. But here was this highly ambitious and successful 26 year old man telling me that the most important thing he ever wanted to become was a good dad. In that same conversation, he questioned how he would be able to handle the task of working grueling hours at a law firm and being present for his future kids.  He wanted to be there for every milestone, every first day of school, every parent-teacher meeting, and every soccer game. In fact, he wanted to coach the soccer team.  He told me right then and there that he would quit his job if it meant he couldn’t be there for his kids. Despite not knowing him very well at the time, I believed him. Seven years and one kid later, I still believe him. Because it’s true.

When I became pregnant with the Monkey, the Dude became more and more anxious. He was a fast-rising star in his San Francisco law firm, but he (and we) paid the consequences for it. Working late hours and all weekend became the norm. Dinner reservations would be canceled, trips would be postponed, and many hot meals that I cooked became cold leftovers for the next day. It was a miracle if we could get to bed at the same time. We were not able to spend quality time together and neither one of us was happy about it. When our Monkey was born, the Dude took 2 months off of work to help with the baby. It was a financial and career sacrifice, but it was something the Dude insisted on doing for our family. Being with his newborn son 24 hours a day was an incredibly special time for all of us, which made it all the harder when he finally went back to work. Once again, the late nights at the office and working weekends became our routine.  We started talking about Plan B but, what that plan was, we didn’t know. All we knew was that something had to change.

Something did change. When the Monkey was 5 months old, the Dude received a job offer in Southern California. It meant that he could work normal business hours. It meant dinner at home every night and family weekends. It meant that vacations didn’t need to be postponed. It meant that family life was the priority and that the Dude no longer had to worry about missing anything. It also meant a pay-cut and that he was no longer on partner-track at a law firm. But, if you ask him, that wasn’t much of a sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice in life is when you’re sacrificing valuable time with your kids and family.

I know now why I never anticipated having a child. It’s only because I had never met anyone I wanted to have a child with until I met the Dude.  I knew from the start that he would make a good dad and I was right. It’s the best thing I’ve ever been right about. He is a good dad and one that only gets better at it each and every day. That alone makes me love him more every day.

Happy Father’s Day to the Dude, my own wonderful father, grandfather, father-in-law, brother and all the other good dads out there. You are loved and appreciated. Keep doing what you’re doing…and continue to help inspire the next generation of good dads.

Today is a big day in California. It’s the Primary Election.

I walked over to the polling station down the street from me with my toddler in tow. I didn’t have to take him with me. Grandma is coming over later to babysit and I could have waited until then. I also could have gone later today when the Dude returned from work. But I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to bring my 2 year old with me because I want him to be a part of this day, even if he’s 16 years away from casting his first vote.

It’s not the Monkey’s first election. He was first introduced to the election process at 2 weeks old. I remember strolling him down the street to our local firehouse in downtown San Francisco. Sure, he slept through all of it but I was glad he was there with me while I performed my civic duty. I hope he is always with me on these important days.

I have great memories of going to the polls with my parents. We would walk down to a neighbor’s garage and I would go into the polling booth with one of my parents while they filled out their votes. I remember talking to them about their decisions and why they voted a certain way. I didn’t always agree with them (I still don’t!) but it always made for interesting conversations. I still enjoy talking to both of my parents about our elections, especially when we have differing points of view.

Shortly after I turned 18 in 1994, I once again walked down to a neighbor’s garage with my mother. But, this time, I got to cast my first vote.  It wasn’t a big Presidential election, but I was able to voice my opinions on a number of other issues and elections. I remember feeling really good after I left the polling booth. I felt like an adult and true citizen for the first time in my young life.

Not an election goes by that I do not vote. When I move, one of the first things on my to-do list is to register to vote. It’s sometimes a challenge to get to the polls, especially when we have kids in tow, but it’s something that can’t be be ignored. I was contemplating whether or not to register for a permanent vote-by-mail, just to make things easier, but the Dude had a good argument against it. It’s important to bring your kids to the polls. It’s important to introduce them to the democratic process, no matter how young. We may be frustrated if the line is long, but those minutes spent waiting to voice our political opinions are worth it. Children are never too young to witness the power of voting and democracy in action

Unlike so many other countries, we’re able to express our political opinions on a regular basis. We should never take that for granted. Don’t let your kids take it for granted, either. Take them to the polls and talk to them about the process. If they’re old enough to question your beliefs and votes, don’t hide from that conversation. Discuss, inform from all points of view, and then let make their own decisions. Modeling how to be a responsible citizen with an informed and educated opinion is one of the best gifts you can give to your children.

Have you heard about Tight Bod With a Pod yet?

I was introduced to this fabulous website earlier this year and was so impressed with their helpful tips for mamas and mamas-to-be that I wrote a blog post about it. TBWaP has quickly become one of my favorite resources for parenting and lifestyle topics.

I am clearly a big fan, so it was an honor when they asked me to contribute an article. It’s up on the website now, so check it out! And while you’re there, make sure to sign up for their daily newsletter.

My 100th post!

Sorry I’m so excited about this, but it kinda feels like a milestone for me.

This time last year, I wasn’t even thinking about blogging. It never even crossed my mind that, one day, I would join the esteemed ranks of mommy bloggers. But I’m so glad I did. The past 8 months or so have been a whirlwind of writing posts, reading posts, and meeting and connecting with (both online and off) some wonderful bloggers.

So in honor of…well…my blog, I think this 100th post needs to showcase what I consider to be the highlights from the past 100 blog posts. Maybe you’ve read them all (Hi, Mom and Dad!) or maybe this is your first time here. Either way, I welcome you on a little journey through my favorites.

September 2009

Belly Bullies – A post where I declare war on people who (wo)man-handle pregnant women and disregard their feelings. If I ever get pregnant again, I’m going to make a t-shirt that says “If you touch my belly, I will sit on you.”

Bring Back the Yips Yips (An Open Letter to Sesame Street) – I think the title says it all. I miss the Yip Yips on Sesame Street! Please sign the petition if you agree.

Where’s The Music? – In short, a summary of my favorite music for babies and toddlers. You won’t see Baby Mozart on this list.

Your New Baby Is Here. No Accessories Included – My list of all the products that helped me during the newborn and infant stage. I forward this list to everyone I know who is expecting their first baby or is in search of the perfect baby gift.

October 2009

Big Brother (Part I) – A series of posts where I contemplate making my little Monkey a big brother. It’s an ongoing internal conflict that is leaning towards…I still don’t know.

Guest Post: Get Crafty With Lauren from The Little Goat – My first guest blogger, Lauren from the blog and Etsy shop, The Little Goat. Her “wunzees” are adorable!  She gives you some tips on how to make your own.

November 2009

Turn Off Yo Gabba Gabba. It’s TV Time for Yo Mama – A list of must-see TV for couples that may otherwise have trouble finding shows they both enjoy. Most husbands will not watch Real Housewives with their wives. This list will help couples before they resort to going to two different rooms to watch TV. Don’t let that happen to your marriage.

Oh, The People In My Neighborhood – Live on a street where you have wonderful neighbors, people throw block parties, and you all get along perfectly? You probably won’t understand this post and that’s a good thing.

It’s Hard Out Here For A Cashew – What’s it like being raised half-Catholic and half-Jewish, otherwise known as a Cashew? Let’s start with double the guilt. In fact, I feel guilty even writing about this topic.

Foodie Friday Special Edition: This Ain’t Yo Mama’s Turkey – Chef Ryan explains how to cook the perfect turkey. There is a reason why this is one of my most popular blog posts. This turkey recipe is perfection!

December 2009

It’s Good To Be a Feminist Housewife – No, really, it is. Find out why.

My Grandparent’s Guide To Love – I wrote this post a few days before my beloved grandmother passed away. Five months later, her husband (my grandfather), is just trying to maintain the will to live. This is a love story that is 70 years in the making and it will continue long after he is gone, too.

A Mama’s Year-End Review -  If my 2 year old could give me a year-end review, this is probably how it would go.

January 2010

Foodie Friday: Lamb Ragu with Homemade Spinach Fettuccine – Do I even need to explain this one? Save your weight watchers points for this incredibly delicious recipe.

February 2010

The Games Couples Play – I love playing games with the Dude. No, I mean real games.

Mental Monday: A Lifetime Sentence To Worry – You never stop being a parent. And once you become a parent you’ll never stop worrying, either.

March 2010

In Support Of Gay Rights: A Message To Mamas – We need to stop the bigotry and intolerance against the LGBT community and I’m asking moms to step up. Why? Because not only is it the right thing to do, but it might be one of our kids that will need equal rights, protection, and acceptance.

Mental Monday: ‘Til Death Do Us Part - To know profound love is to also know intense pain and heartache.  But, if you ask those that have lived through the death of a partner, it’s all worth it.

Foodie Friday: Reservations for Two…Plus a Highchair -  Don’t go to restaurants with your young kids without reading this guide for dining out with children.  You do not want your kid to be that kid in the restaurant.

April 2010

Favorite iphone Apps for Toddlers – The iphone helps me be a better parent and here are the apps that make it possible.

Foodie Friday: Sunday Morning Bacon and Zucchini Frittata – The Dude explains how he treats random Sundays as Mother’s Day, by making me a delectable frittata. This recipe is just one of the many reasons why I married him. Awwww….

The Children of Afghanistan – A photo montage of children in Afghanistan, photos courtesy of my sister who lives there.  These pictures both break and strengthen my heart.

May 2010

Foodie Friday: Eat Your Heart Out, San Francisco – A food diary of sorts of all my favorite restaurants, specialty food shops, and markets in the various neighborhoods of the Foggy City. I’ve been asked how long it took me to create this list. Surprisingly not that long. I’ve been a *yelper* for almost 3 years, so most of these places were on my review list already. Take this list with you if you’re visiting SF or try new places if you’re already there! 

Thanks for coming along the ride down AYMB memory lane. It’s a short lane, but a lane nonetheless. Hope to keep seeing you down the road.

What do you see in these photos?

It’s hard to look at these pictures without projecting our own thoughts about the war in Afghanistan and what affect it has had on their youth. What kind of life do these children lead? Are they happy? Do they share the innocence, playfulness, and carefree nature that most of our children possess? I want them to. I hope they do. But it’s hard to be optimistic and idealistic when confronted with the young faces of reality.

The images you see here are photos my sister has taken during her first year in Afghanistan. She has given me permission to use them for the purpose of this blog post. I found these pictures to be so beautiful that I was moved to share them.

(click on pics to expand)

Did these photos move you as well? Please share your thoughts.

favorite iphone apps for toddlers

On a beautiful sunny San Francisco morning in late October of 2007, I pushed my son into this world. Before the epidural had even worn off, the Dude gave me what I consider the best *push* present ever: an iphone.

That morning, I was introduced to two things I can’t live without.

Now that my son is exactly 2.5 years old, I rely on my iphone even more these days. There are a ton of great apps to keep the little ones distracted and entertained when necessary. While we’re standing in a long line at the grocery store or sitting at the doctor’s office, I simply select a few apps to entertain (and even educate) my son while we wait. Please note that most of these apps will require assistance, so don’t hand the iphone over to the toddler and let them have at it, especially if your kid is like mine. You’ll be upgrading to the next iphone version much earlier than you would like.

Without further ado, these are my 15 favorite toddler-friendly apps that are a no-fail solution to a cranky and impatient child.

The Top 15 Toddler-Friendly Apps (prices reflect today’s post date)

Baby Grand ($1.99) – got a little Beethoven on your hands? This app is a keyboard that can help a toddler play along to different nursery songs or they can play their own masterpiece. There are 3 instruments included – piano, marimba, and guitar and you can choose a pink or blue keyboard.

Bubble Wrap (Free!) – OK, I got this mindless app for me since popping bubble wrap is ridiculous fun, but my toddler immediately loved this app as well. Who wouldn’t? Popping bubble wrap is absurdly addictive. Just watch out for disjointed fingers after a while.

Dr. Seuss ABC ($2.99) - who doesn’t love Dr. Seuss? This app is perfect for toddlers learning the alphabet since it encourages kids to make the connection between letters, their sounds, and their meanings. There are 3 ways to use the app – “read to me”, “read it myself” and “auto play.”

Elmo’s Monster Maker ($3.99) – if your toddler is like any other toddler, he or she LOVES Elmo and Sesame Street. Make a monster friend by choosing a monster body and then adding eyes, a nose and a hat. Elmo will then dance and play with your toddler’s specially-made monster!

Fish School ($0.99) – by the makers of Wheels on the Bus, Fish School lets children play with a school of fish that change into numbers, letters, shapes, and colors.

Fresh Water Aquarium ($0.99) – who needs a real aquarium when you’ve got this app? Your toddler can feed the fish and make them grow! There are 19 species of fish available and you can have up to 35 in the tank.

Grover’s Number Special ($2.99) – Grover is in the kitchen cooking and counting ingredients to make a healthy meal!

I Hear Ewe ($0.99) – A toddler can touch different animal pictures to hear what sound they make. The updated version also features different vehicles, such as firetrucks and trains. My son loves this app and has picked up a few new sounds from it.

iplayphone ($0.99) – the sounds can be quite annoying, but toddlers love this app. This app lets kids press the bright colored phone buttons and hear crazy sounds.

More Toast! ($0.99) – I love this app as much as my kid. It’s pure entertainment as you pop some bread in the toaster and then make sandwiches with different varieties of condiments and foods. Your kids can get very creative (and quite gross) with this app.

Nick, Jr’s A-Z With Moose and Zee ($1.99) – we are BIG fans of Nick, Jr. in my house and we love Moose and Zee. These adorable characters help toddlers find hidden letters and learn letter shapes with fun, colorful, and very interactive games.

Simon Classic (Free!) – yet another app I downloaded for my nostalgic self, but my toddler loves this game as well. It’s a great memory game that’s fun for both kids and adults!

Scribble ($0.99) – a fun way for toddler to paint on the screen. After you draw, just shake the iphone to erase! For those of us that loved Etch-a-Sketch as kids, this app is a must-have for our own kids.

Sprout Player (Free!) – this app is from PBS Kids Sprout and features the different shows, including the Sunny Side Up show. New podcasts are added regularly and will automatically be streamed to your app.

Wheels on the Bus  ($0.99) – Wheels on the Bus is an interactive playbook that allows the toddler to scroll along with a bus on the move. Each scene has images for the toddler to poke or slide. This is a very fun app that always gets giggles from my little one. You can also listen in French, Spanish, German, or Italian!

Youtube (always free) – aside from iphone apps, I also rely on kid-friendly youtube videos for my toddler. My youtube favorites include various Sesame Street and Nick, Jr. videos as well as toddler-friendly music videos. Our latest favorite music video is from the band OK Go called This Too Shall Pass, Rube Goldberg edition. It is a must-see for people of all ages!

Got any must-have apps for toddlers? Please share!

Same-sex couples in Washington D.C. are now legally allowed to marry. For people around the world that support same-sex marriage, this day is a joyous day.

I, for one, am thrilled.

However, this day is also a bittersweet day. There are millions of people who are still not legally allowed to marry. Whether or not they even want to be married is not the point. The point is, they don’t even have the right. I want to see this changed within my lifetime, but I especially want to see this changed for our children.

So, in honor of:

• the many couples celebrating their love today by legally recognizing their commitment to one another,
• the many couples who do not yet have the right to marry, and
• future generations of the LGBT community that will hopefully never have to endure prejudice, hate, and discrimination

I would like to re-post an article I wrote about this topic back in October. This message is for all the moms out there who may not agree with this issue. This message is for all moms out there who may agree, but do not take a stand.

I urge you to reconsider.

Gay Rights: Why Mamas Need to Take a Stand Against Inequality

As a woman, I often think about the time before my birth and what my female ancestors had to endure.

For centuries, women have had to fight to establish equality in a very paternalistic society. Women had to band together to form the Suffrage Movement. Women fought for equality during the Civil Rights Movement and created the Feminist Movement when society still treated them like second-class citizens. In the last 100 years, women have been incredibly successful in overturning anti-discriminatory laws and creating new laws to protect our rights. There is no doubt that the time we live in now is markedly different than the era of our mothers and grandmothers.

As women:

• We lived without voting rights until 1920.
• We lived without FDA-approved birth-control until 1960.
• We lived without discrimination laws and equal opportunity in the workplace until 1964.
• We lived with sex-segregated employment ads until 1968.
• We lived without the Equal Pay Act until 1970.
• We lived without Title IX until 1972.
• We lived without reproductive rights until 1973.
• We lived without the Pregnancy Discrimination Ban until 1978.
• We lived without the Lily Ledbetter Act until 2009.

From our mothers to our great-great-great grandmothers, women have worked hard to ensure a better future for their daughters, and the women of today continue to take a stand against injustice and inequality. As women, we have lived with discrimination and intolerance. We have lived as second-class citizens. We have lived without laws to protect ourselves and our rights. So, I ask my mama-sisters, why aren’t we working harder to ensure a better future for our children and grandchildren? Why aren’t we doing more to stand up to injustice and inequality?

I live in California where Prop 22 passed in 2000 with 61.4% of the vote. On May 15, 2008, Prop 22 was ruled unconstitutional and invalidated. The reaction was mixed, to say the least. Financed by powerful religious organizations and anti-gay organizations, Prop 8 passed just this last year with 52.2% of the vote. I have gay friends who were able to legally marry without problem between May 15th and November 4th. I have other gay friends who missed that small window and do not have that same right. Shortly after the election, I was talking with a few women about the outcome. One mom mentioned that she was tired of all the talk and didn’t want her child exposed to people discussing gay rights. She said, in so many words – it’s so hard for kids these days anyways, so why do we need to add one more thing? I thought about that and replied, yes, it is hard. So why don’t we work to make it easier for them.

Opponents of gay equality rights often cite the Bible as a source for their discrimination. I take issue with that, especially as woman. I am a woman of faith, but I do not take the Bible as a literal and valid source for establishing laws in our society. If that were the case, then equality laws and protections for women would never have been created.

Many of us look back to our history and think, wow, how did women live in a world without equal rights? Within 10 years, I want people to look back and think the same thing. Legal discrimination against gays is a major problem of today. So, I ask you, let’s work to make sure that it’s still not a problem in 10 years. Let’s make sure that future generations look back and think, wow, how did people ever think that discrimination against gays and gay rights was acceptable?

The best place to start making a difference is in the home. As the parents, we are the primary role models for our children. They look to us for guidance on how to navigate this world and how to interact with others. If we are intolerant, discriminatory, and judgmental of others, our children will learn to do the same. Teach your children well. Teach them by being a role model for tolerance, acceptance, and for what is right. It might be your child that needs legal protections and anti-discriminatory laws in the future. But, even more so, it might be your child that needs to know they are always loved and accepted by you…no matter who they love.

Learn more about what you can do for gay rights:

Human Rights Campaign
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
Gay Rights

In California:
Courage Campaign
No on 8

How do you spell T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R-N-E-S-S?

The Dude and I love to play games with one another.

Chess, Scrabble, Backgammon, Spit, Poker, Rummi-Q, DJ Hero, and Guitar Hero….once our little guy is the down for the night, we let the games begin.

Once the Monkey came into our lives, the Dude and I needed to find fun activities that we could do at home that were both fun and stimulating [insert requisite sex jokes here]. Yeah, sure, that can be fun…but I’m talking about something we can do every night [insert more requisite sex jokes here]. No, that just ain’t gonna happen.

On the nights when we need a break from our regular TV viewing, we settle in for an evening of challenge and competition. It’s all in good fun though since we tend to laugh ourselves through most games. Unless it’s Scrabble. Because then things can get ugly. But that’s just what happens when you marry an Ivy-league lawyer who majored in Rhetoric.  He knows more words in other languages than I know in English. Sad, but true.

Before the little guy came into our lives, our definition of fun was going out to dinner multiple times a week, cooking together, spending time with friends, going to shows, and traveling at a moment’s notice. Those are still fun things for us, but we just don’t have the opportunities to do them as much as we have in the past. When the majority of our nights are at home with a two year-old, the definition of fun has to broaden a bit. Spending alone time together was never considered the luxury it has now become since the Monkey was born, but we try and make sure every minute counts.

It wasn’t easy to get to this point.

Like a lot of parents with small children who finally go to sleep, I was one of those mamas who tried to maximize the most of their “free” time by doing the things that had been on my to-do list all day – e-mails, phone-calls, blogging, cleaning, etc… Sure, I was getting stuff done, but I was also neglecting the biggest thing of all: the relationship with my husband. It had become routine for us to do the things we needed to do separately and then head to bed together. Other than dinner conversation, which was spent much more on coaxing the Monkey to eat his greens and stop throwing food, we weren’t making much time to talk or just spend time together. We were simply in the same house, and often in the same room, doing our own thing.  Something had to change and we were both on the same page when we finally acknowledged that, although we were essentially together in the same room every night, we weren’t actually spending any quality time together as a couple.

It has now become our routine to make sure that the time between the Monkey’s bed-time and our own is a time for us to do something enjoyable together. We have found that playing games is one of the best ways to maximize time together because, in between the laughter and fun, it’s also a great time for us to talk and connect.

When I look at my life with the Dude, I tend to always think first of all the fun we have had (and continue to have) together. Whether it’s chasing our boisterous two year-old around the house, cooking together, traveling together, or simply sitting down together for a good game of Scrabble, those are the moments I think about and cherish the most.

Everything else can wait.

It’s time to play.

It’s pretty common for those who work a 9-5 job to get some kind of annual year-end review. For those of us who work the 24/7 job, otherwise known as stay-at-home parents, it’s my belief that we should get a year-end review, too. The only problem is that our boss’s typically lack the verbal skills to express a year’s worth of achievements, failures, and everything in between. If my 26 month-old boss could actually give me a year-end review, I’m guessing it would go something like this:

Hi Mama. Thanks for coming into my playroom office for your year-end review. First, I would like to congratulate you on making it through what I believe has been a challenging year.  I started the year with a tentative curiosity that has now morphed into a careless daredevil attitude. I leave you exhausted by the evening and wake you up at sunrise to play. I have become a picky and demanding eater and my table manners are still somewhat nonexistent. I may know how to use a fork now, but I can’t promise that the food will always end up in my mouth. My favorite words are “NO!” “NO WAY” and “NONONONONONO!!!!” which are usually expressed in, uh, a very spirited manner.  I tend to treat you like a servant and yet you still smother me with love and kisses. Have you always let people walk all over you like this? If so, we may need to address your self-esteem issues.

While some goals have been met and some expectations have been exceeded, there have been some mistakes and even a few outright failures. The year started out great but things started sliding a bit around the first quarter. That’s about the time I started to actually sleep through the night, which apparently led you to believe that you could sleep more on the job, too. You picked up speed again until the 3rd quarter, which is when I understand you started a “Mommy Blog.”  I noticed your work performance slacking a bit when I started getting an extra half-hour on my nap schedule and little extra time in front of Sesame Street and Olivia. Look, I appreciate your need to document “mommy” stuff online as well as your desire to communicate with people other than me, Elmo, and Oswald. I get it. The only reason I bring it up is that while I don’t mind your little side projects, I just want to make sure that you still manage to keep the vast majority of your energy on one thing, and one thing only…me.

For the most part, it’s been a good year. I know I’m not the easiest boss in the world. You’ve been a full-time, 24/7 on-call employee of mine for 26 months now. I have to say, you’ve been managing your position quite well overall, especially since you had zero job experience before you took on this position. Let’s be honest, despite your career and educational background, you knew nothing about what this job would actually entail. However, despite your lack of experience, I am a healthy, happy, and well-adjusted 2 year old. For the most part.

Let’s go over the goals from last year as well as discuss the goals for next year.  I am happy to report that many of them have been met.  Let’s review:

1. Learn to say “thank you” : ACCOMPLISHED! (even though I pronounce it “danku”)
2. Eat broccoli: ACCOMPLISHED! (yet you still call them “trees”, as if you think I’m arboristically-challenged)
3. Sleep in a big-boy bed: ACCOMPLISHED! (although making me sleep on a mattress on the floor during the “transition period”  felt almost criminal at times).
4. Play well with others: ACCOMPLISHED! (you know I never mean to throw sand in other kid’s eyes, right? Right???)
5. Get me into a sleep routine: ACCOMPLISHED! (I just want to add one thing – can we please stop reading Goodnight Moon all the time? That book makes me have weird dreams about old bunnies, jumping cows, and mush).

Now for the bad news. The following goals were not accomplished:

1. Wean me off the binkies: FAIL
2. Wean me off the bottle: FAIL
3. Wean me off a night bottle(s): FAIL
4. Potty-train me: (this one is almost laughable) FAIL
5. Learn the alphabet: (seriously?) FAIL
6. Learn to count to 3: FAIL
7. Stop throwing food: FAIL
8. Learn to say I LOVE YOU: eh,  I can sign it, so I guess that’s a only a semi-FAIL

So instead of creating some new goals for yourself, perhaps you might want to just work on the items that didn’t get accomplished this past year. I’ve got to be honest. It looks like you got your work cut out for you next year, Mama.

In conclusion, you’ve done a fine job as my mom this past year. Since I don’t know anything different and I have nothing to compare you with, I’d even go as far as to say you’ve done excellent work. Keep it up. Oh, and one more thing. You know how I put my fingers in my ears when you sing me a lullaby every night and you think that’s so cute? Well, what I’m really trying to tell you is…STFU! Oh, uh, where did I learn that from? Ummmm, go ask your co-worker…that daddy fellow. Yeah. Anyways. Thanks again for a good year and let’s make next year even better. Now, go gimme some milk. Danku.

Happy New Year, readers! May 2010 be filled with love, joy, and happiness.