Comments on: The Spark Within

By: The Dude

The Dude — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 16:49:06 +0000

This might be my favorite — and your most important — post yet. This whole “Chinese Mother” thing, while certainly overblown as part of the 24/7 news cycle, raises such important questions.

When I think of my circle of friends and colleagues, all of whom went to excellent schools and have excelled in their respective fields since, I can think of not one who had a “Chinese Mother” — even the Chinese ones! Each had supportive and encouraging parents, not controlling, totalitarian ones. They have become doctors and lawyers, sure, but equally chefs and artists and jazz musicians. And the thing they ALL have in common is EXCELLENCE — borne of a spark from within and stoked with support, rather than smothered with authority.

I couldn’t help but dig up the words we read to the Monkey at his baby naming:

As we write this now, five weeks after your birth, we keep coming back to that moment when we became parents; when our marriage morphed into a family; and when we held each other, the three of us, counting our blessings that you were healthy, and calming you by saying that it was going to be alright.

We hope for nothing more than for that moment to persist as a metaphor for your life. Our hope is not that you go to this or that school or pursue this or that career. Nothing so complex. We simply hope that you have a wonderful and happy life with us as your support system; that you know that things will sometimes be a little frustrating (just like needing to breathe for the first time), but that we will be there to help you through those moments; and that, in the end, you realize your own strength (as you did in those first moments) to accomplish all that you aspire to.

We hope that we can inspire you without smothering you; push you without pressuring you; and provide security based more an a safety net than on wing-clipping.

The spark within is more powerful than any force from without.

By: Aimee

Aimee — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 05:13:22 +0000

So true about our children being their own people, something that I think some parents tend to forget. How often do parents push their own interests and passions onto their children or attempt to live vicariously through them? It certainly doesn’t seem fair to do that to a child.

Thanks for your comment!

-Aimee

By: Aimee

Aimee — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 05:11:00 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing your parenting experiences, Susi! I love that you mention that not all kids fit into the pre-existing slots and it might take more time to help those kids find their passions with some patience, understanding, and a lot of listening. As a parent who will soon embark on helping my son find his interests and passions, I am taking your experience and wisdom to heart!

-Aimee

By: Rebekah C

Rebekah C — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:26:50 +0000

This post is such a poignant reminder that our children are their own people. I hope that my children find something in their lives to be that passionate about, too. My hope for them is that they are successful in whatever endeavors they decide to pursue and that they are sincerely happy while doing it.

By: Susi

Susi — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 06:36:28 +0000

Thanks, Aimee, for sharing this. It brings up a very important parenting issue for me. My husband and I have two daughters. One has had so many sparks it’s hard to count, and she just keeps on finding new sparks! Our second daughter took a LONG time to find a spark at all, and, frankly, it worried us. She is now 11, turning 12 in July. It has only been in the last year (maybe more like 9 months) that she has finally really found a couple of passions. I think at least one of them will really stick–maybe two or three. I guess my point is, I wish we wouldn’t have worried so much when she was younger. I think letting her try a ton of new things was a great idea, but I wish we would have paid more attention to “her likes and dislikes” rather than just enrolling her in whatever was available. As it turns out, she’s an artist who hates the craft-y nature of most classes available to younger kids, and she’s never loved team sports. In the last year, she’s developed a passion for cooking (which we helped by responding to her demands for “adult-level” lessons–we bought her some private lessons with a professional chef) and a passion for swimming that developed only because we enrolled her in non-competitive swim classes, which ultimately led to her ASKING to be placed on a swim team. Some kids are driven in areas that our culture already accommodates. Our youngest has taught us that others don’t quite fit into the pre-existing slots. But listen to those kids–they have passions, too. They just might not know what they are yet!! Our youngest has taught us that pressure doesn’t work. Listening to her desires, her problems, her complaints, and her wishes has really paid off!

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Tweets that mention The Spark Within | Ain't Yo Mama's Blog -- Topsy.com — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 00:47:14 +0000

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By: Aimee

Aimee — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 00:45:09 +0000

Thanks for sharing your experience, Bruna. I want to hear from parents currently going through this with their kids, so I especially appreciate your comment. I think we share a very similar perspective on this topic!

-Aimee

By: Bruna

Bruna — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 00:25:30 +0000

Wow! Your post really made me think about my own kids. My tween is not self-motivated at all and she has given up on piano and soccer. I let her because I felt I was nagging her to practice and that her heart really wasn’t in it like I thought it should. The only thing she does now is dance and I refuse to let her quit that. She hasn’t suggested it. I agree with you about the spark. It needs to be there and it needs to come from within. I can only hope each of my children find that spark for something.