Comments on: Marriage: The Biggest Identity Thief of All http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/ A Postmodern Take on Mommy Blogging Mon, 10 Dec 2012 16:19:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Anne Galivan http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9582 Anne Galivan Tue, 05 Oct 2010 06:49:48 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9582 I have never heard another person express this feeling, one that I struggled with so much myself! I remember it took me about a year to finally adjust to having a different last name. It really WAS an identity crisis for me! If I were doing it over again I would hyphenate my name. I would still have given my children their dad's last name and I think the hyphenating would have made it clear that we were all a family. While I did adjust to it, in the context of identity, all those years ago (I've been married almost 30 years) I have been experiencing regret about it again in recent years. I think it has to do with losing immediate family members and feeling like if I still had my maiden name as part of my last name I would feel closer to them. I'm not saying that's rational but grief and loss rarely are. I have never heard another person express this feeling, one that I struggled with so much myself!

I remember it took me about a year to finally adjust to having a different last name. It really WAS an identity crisis for me!

If I were doing it over again I would hyphenate my name. I would still have given my children their dad’s last name and I think the hyphenating would have made it clear that we were all a family.

While I did adjust to it, in the context of identity, all those years ago (I’ve been married almost 30 years) I have been experiencing regret about it again in recent years. I think it has to do with losing immediate family members and feeling like if I still had my maiden name as part of my last name I would feel closer to them. I’m not saying that’s rational but grief and loss rarely are.

]]> By: Mandi Pandi http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9574 Mandi Pandi Tue, 05 Oct 2010 05:17:52 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9574 Wow, that is a truly an interesting story. I’m not married but my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now and I know it’s right around the corner. It’s something I have given a lot of thought about too; my last name has always been part of who I am! I don’t think I would hurt him if I didn’t take it, but sometimes I feel like it would be bad manners and might seem to be disrespectful to him. Anyways, you definitely gave me some stuff to think about! Great post! Wow, that is a truly an interesting story. I’m not married but my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now and I know it’s right around the corner. It’s something I have given a lot of thought about too; my last name has always been part of who I am! I don’t think I would hurt him if I didn’t take it, but sometimes I feel like it would be bad manners and might seem to be disrespectful to him. Anyways, you definitely gave me some stuff to think about! Great post!

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]]> By: Ilanarose http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9553 Ilanarose Tue, 05 Oct 2010 00:08:43 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9553 I’m dealing with the same thing at the moment. I had always fully intended to change my last name. The simple fact is that my husband’s last name is a lot better sounding than mine. I’ve always hated mine. At eleeven letters, it s always longer than anybody else’s name on a list. And it’s a mouthful to say. But when i got married, i realized i was oddly attached to it. It’s been three years now and i still have yet to change although i keep saying I will. But now that we have a baby girl, I should really get on top of it. I do want us all to sound like we are a part of the same family. I’m dealing with the same thing at the moment. I had always fully intended to change my last name. The simple fact is that my husband’s last name is a lot better sounding than mine. I’ve always hated mine. At eleeven letters, it s always longer than anybody else’s name on a list. And it’s a mouthful to say. But when i got married, i realized i was oddly attached to it. It’s been three years now and i still have yet to change although i keep saying I will. But now that we have a baby girl, I should really get on top of it. I do want us all to sound like we are a part of the same family.

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]]> By: Untypically Jia http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9508 Untypically Jia Mon, 04 Oct 2010 19:17:21 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9508 I have a confession. I go by both. Legally, my name hasn't been changed because the SS office screwed up yet the DMV got it right. So literally I have two state IDs one with my maiden name and one with my married name and my SS still says my maiden name. So if I have official business, I go by maiden (for now) but I gladly claim my married name in all other situations. LOL! I have a confession. I go by both. Legally, my name hasn’t been changed because the SS office screwed up yet the DMV got it right. So literally I have two state IDs one with my maiden name and one with my married name and my SS still says my maiden name. So if I have official business, I go by maiden (for now) but I gladly claim my married name in all other situations. LOL!

]]> By: Julie @ Practically Spent http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9487 Julie @ Practically Spent Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:04:06 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9487 I suppose it’s a different reason for each person. I never considered changing my last name to a family’s that I did not come from. My husband and I considered combining ours somehow to give us each a shared name, but we decided that wouldn’t work either. Our girls have my last name as their 2nd middle name just for posterity sake. I suppose it’s a different reason for each person. I never considered changing my last name to a family’s that I did not come from. My husband and I considered combining ours somehow to give us each a shared name, but we decided that wouldn’t work either. Our girls have my last name as their 2nd middle name just for posterity sake.

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]]> By: Tracie http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9476 Tracie Mon, 04 Oct 2010 16:56:37 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9476 I was very happy to get rid of my old name. Ready to shed the name of my father and walk into my new life free of family who I have no relationship with. But that is not the normal experience I’m sure. I have always thought that if the wife wants to go the hyphenated route it is nice when the husband hyphenates too. That way they are both taking on a bit of the other one. I was very happy to get rid of my old name. Ready to shed the name of my father and walk into my new life free of family who I have no relationship with. But that is not the normal experience I’m sure.

I have always thought that if the wife wants to go the hyphenated route it is nice when the husband hyphenates too. That way they are both taking on a bit of the other one.

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]]> By: Cheryl http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9466 Cheryl Mon, 04 Oct 2010 16:08:52 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9466 Yeah...well....I never even thought I had a choice...I was so naive. And I got a new last name alright...it's horrendous and if I had a dime for every single time I've had to pronounce it or spell it...I'd be more then just a little rich. My poor kids....being a kindergartner and spelling it...whoa. And then we had to be careful what names we gave them or we'd never be able to fit their entire names on those bubble sheet forms with the boxes for letters. Anyway...have a great day! Yeah…well….I never even thought I had a choice…I was so naive.
And I got a new last name alright…it’s horrendous and if I had a dime for every single time I’ve had to pronounce it or spell it…I’d be more then just a little rich. My poor kids….being a kindergartner and spelling it…whoa.
And then we had to be careful what names we gave them or we’d never be able to fit their entire names on those bubble sheet forms with the boxes for letters.
Anyway…have a great day!

]]> By: Julie http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9430 Julie Mon, 04 Oct 2010 14:51:18 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9430 I’ve never really considered changing my name as part of losing my identity (not that i’m to that point yet in my life though either.) I’ve had plenty of things derail me from creating a false sense that I don’t know who I am anymore – and never really thought that changing my name could spur thoughts like that in me either. Great post to have SITS share today! :) I’ve never really considered changing my name as part of losing my identity (not that i’m to that point yet in my life though either.) I’ve had plenty of things derail me from creating a false sense that I don’t know who I am anymore – and never really thought that changing my name could spur thoughts like that in me either. Great post to have SITS share today! :)

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]]> By: Tara http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9428 Tara Mon, 04 Oct 2010 14:49:05 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9428 I think about this all the time. I am not engaged but my boyfriend and I do talk about getting married and I am not crazy about his last name, and I don’t want it to be weird if I keep mine but it just might happen. I am to know so many others struggle with this too. I think about this all the time. I am not engaged but my boyfriend and I do talk about getting married and I am not crazy about his last name, and I don’t want it to be weird if I keep mine but it just might happen. I am to know so many others struggle with this too.

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]]> By: adrian http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/the-biggest-identity-thief-of-all/#comment-9377 adrian Mon, 04 Oct 2010 13:09:22 +0000 http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/?p=873#comment-9377 I wish i'd given this issue more thought. My maiden name was perfectly nice, while my married name is a 10 letter monstrosity that most people can't pronounce. Its also very unique, so I keep it a secret for internet privacy. I would like to have kept my own name, but my husband flatly said he would not marry me if I did. 25 years later, I think that might have been a better deal.... I wish i’d given this issue more thought. My maiden name was perfectly nice, while my married name is a 10 letter monstrosity that most people can’t pronounce. Its also very unique, so I keep it a secret for internet privacy. I would like to have kept my own name, but my husband flatly said he would not marry me if I did. 25 years later, I think that might have been a better deal….

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