Noah

We had a few dogs growing up but they weren’t really mine. They belonged to my mom. One dog died when I was very little and two others came into our lives when I was a teenager and rarely home long enough to spend much time with them. I have no memory of cleaning up after them, feeding them, or taking them to the vet. That was all on my mom. While I was away at college, my mom had to give up her dog because she was moving. Although I felt sad for her, it didn’t really faze me at all.

When I met the Dude, he often talked about his family dogs. He treated all of his dogs like they were his siblings and, whenever a dog passed away, it was devastating for the entire family. I was moved by their dog stories, but I didn’t really get it. However,  the Dude and his family loved their dogs and I knew that to be married into this family meant having a dog of our own one day.  It took me a while to get used to that idea.

I really did like dogs, but I didn’t necessarily like the idea of one living with me. They shed, they bark, they drool, they chew and, in general, they’re a big responsibility. Plus, we were living in a San Francisco apartment and I didn’t want a dog living in such a cramped space without a backyard. Then we had our Monkey and there was no way I was going to take on a new dog with an infant in the apartment.

By the time the Monkey turned 2 and we had already moved into a house, I finally came around to the idea that a dog would be a good idea. I had no doubt that a dog to grow up with would be an incredible experience for our kid. But when a few rescue agencies did their home inspection and informed us that it would take a long time to place a dog with us because of our toddler, I began to lose interest again. Yet, over the course of the next year, it became more and more evident that the Monkey loved dogs. He was fascinated by them. I could no longer refuse my kid the opportunity to grow up with his own dog.

A few months after the Monkey turned 3, and after much research, we found our ideal dog. The Portuguese Water Dog. Yes, just like that adorable dog in the White House. The PWD doesn’t shed, loves water (obviously), is great with kids, is incredibly smart and trainable, and doesn’t get that big – 50 to 60 pounds max. Sure, we were told that the puppy stage lasts a bit longer than other breeds, that they are very “mouthy”, and also jabber-jaw to communicate, but I felt those were all things I could deal with…kinda.

We brought Noah home in March when he was about 8 weeks old and 8 pounds. He was very much a puppy. He pooped and peed everywhere, chewed on everything, and would steal the Monkey’s toys. The Monkey was not amused. In fact, he really didn’t enjoy him very much for the first few months and would shy away from him. It was strange to see my son, who loved to chase 80 pound Labradors around, be a little nervous about a small furry creature under 10 pounds. It was like there was a Gremlin living in our house. And one who wasn’t even house-trained, to boot.

As for me, I quickly came to the conclusion that bringing a puppy home was nearly as challenging as a newborn baby. We would have to wake up a few times during the night to take him outside and also deal with multiple daily accidents. We couldn’t leave Noah alone for very long for several months. He would jump up on the table and steal food. He chewed a few rugs, table legs, two electronics cords, a duvet cover, and countless toys. Now at 7 months old, he still jumps too much and occasionally chews the wrong things, but we’ve recently hired a trainer to help us with those issues. I also had to get used to the fact that I will never be able to keep my dark hardwood floors as clean as before. I’m still getting used to that.

It was quite an adjustment to have a dog in the family, but it’s safe to say that we are now a dog-family. The Monkey went from running away from the tiny fur-ball to pouncing on the now 40 pound dog as if he was Hulk Hogan. The dog will sometimes run away from the kid these days, but it’s pretty obvious that they adore one another. I often find them snuggling on the couch together and Noah tends to end up on the Monkey’s bed during the night. It’s a beautiful thing. As for me, I can’t imagine living without Noah. As a stay-at-home mom, Noah is mostly my responsibility. I feed him, clean up after him, walk him, and take him to the vet. In turn, he follows me everywhere and gives me, as well as the Dude and the Monkey, unconditional love.

I recently told the Dude that Noah is just another reason why we could never divorce  – because I am unwilling to ever give him up. It really hit me in that moment that I have officially become a dog person. It was about time.

My Monkey with his two favorite things - his iPhone and his monkey. A pic taken with my iPhone, of course.

My two year old has his own iPhone.

Now, before you think I am absolutely insane to buy an expensive phone for my toddler, let me assure you that I did not run out and drop $300 on a new phone for him. No way. However, being the ultimate tech-geek that he is, the Dude did run out a few months ago to get himself the new iPhone 4G. This meant that we had his old iPhone available to be donated to a good cause. We quickly realized that the best cause was our little Monkey.

The Monkey has been playing with our iPhones since around his 2nd birthday, nearly one year ago. When I discovered how toddler-friendly certain iPhone apps could be for him, I researched the most educational and creative apps and loaded them up on our iPhones. I was so impressed with certain apps, that I wrote a post back in April about my favorite iPhone apps for toddlers. With thousands of hits, that post quickly became my most popular blog post. Either there are a ton of other parents out there letting their toddlers play with their iPhone and iPads or people are simply curious to learn more about it.

It does seem that more and more people are discovering that it’s smart to let your kids play with smart phones. An iPhone or other smart phone can, with proper guidance and supervision, be used as a valuable teaching tool for children. The interactive content on an iPhone can help developing brains learn how to problem-solve and figure things out quickly and, when exposed to educational apps, a toddler’s learning process can actually be enhanced. Consider apps to be a valuable supplement to the teaching process already going on in your home or in preschool.

There are pros and cons to letting a toddler use an iPhone, so here are my helpful ideas on safe iPhone play:

• It’s easy for adults to drop and break an iPhone (*raises hand*), which means it’s even easier for toddlers to drop one. Buy a hard or sturdy case and screen protector to safeguard the phone as well as possible.
• If you’re giving your child an old iPhone, make sure to remove the SIM card. If you’re handing your phone over, put it in Airplane mode. You don’t need junior making calls to long-distance relatives.
• Make sure to remove content that is not appropriate or that may cost you money if used. For example, I had to remove the “Mad Men” cocktail app (a toddler is a little young to learn how to mix a martini, right?) and my Woot app. I really can’t afford for my child to purchase a random t-shirt or a case of wine every day.
• Load up the iPhone with toddler-friendly apps, pictures, videos, music, and even movies. Need ideas for toddler-friendly apps? You’ve come to the right place. Check out my top 15 apps for preschoolers.
• Limit the time your child can use the iPhone. 20 minutes is a reasonable time limit for toddlers.
• Considering that the iPhone has access to the Internet and websites like YouTube, watch your child use the device and monitor his or her activities to ensure that they are not accessing anything inappropriate.
• Play with your child using the apps or at least check in here and there to see what they doing. Not only is it for their protection but it also helps you evaluate how they use it and what they are learning.

If you’re the parent of a toddler, preschooler, or kindergartner, do you let your children use interactive media or devices, such as an iPhone? Why or why not? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Put a little *vroom* in your juice

For my two year old Monkey, everything that makes a loud whirring sound is called a *vroom-vroom*. Which explains why whenever I break out the blender to make a smoothie, my toddler says it’s time for *vroom-vroom juice*.

There are a ton of different ways to make a smoothie and it seems like I’ve tried a hundred different varieties without nailing the perfect consistency. The smoothie either turns out too sweet, too bitter, too grainy, or has too many seeds.  This one, however, is my favorite smoothie recipe. And the Monkey loves it, too:

The Monkey’s Vroom-Vroom Juice

• 2 cups organic Acai juice (I prefer Acai with pomegranate juice)
• 1/2 cup of non-fat organic vanilla or plain yogurt
• 1 frozen banana
• 1 small package of frozen organic strawberries
• 1 frozen mango

Optional:

1 tablespoon of flaxseed

When you’re preparing to *vroom-vroom*, make sure to add the ingredients in the order I listed in order to help blend more smoothly and evenly. If the blender doesn’t seem to be working, you may have an air pocket. Safely and carefully, lift the lid and use a spoon to stir up the mixture before proceeding to blend again. You may have to blend for about 2-3 minutes before you get the right consistency.

For toddlers, the best cup I have found for smoothies is the Munchkin Mighty Grip Flip Straw Cups. They’re not the easiest sippy cup to clean and assemble, but toddlers find them very easy and fun to use.

The *vroom-vroom juice* smoothies also make great frozen fruit bars! My favorite mold is the Tovolo Shooting Stars.

Cheers!

The best moments in life are not filled with words. Only love. The Dude and The Monkey, on vacation, in 2008.

Seven years ago, this week, I was introduced to the Dude by my sister.

Before I met him, there was a trend with most of the guys I dated. The more I got to know them, the less I liked them. The opposite was true with the Dude. After every e-mail, phone call, or date, I liked him even more. Within a month, I knew this guy had *The One* potential. But what really locked my heart up was something he said to me shortly after we started dating.

During one of our many conversations about life ambitions, goals, and dreams, the Dude mentioned that he could not wait to be a father. That really floored me, mostly because having kids was the last thing on my mind. I had too many other important things to do, like finish my graduate degree and get a promotion. But here was this highly ambitious and successful 26 year old man telling me that the most important thing he ever wanted to become was a good dad. In that same conversation, he questioned how he would be able to handle the task of working grueling hours at a law firm and being present for his future kids.  He wanted to be there for every milestone, every first day of school, every parent-teacher meeting, and every soccer game. In fact, he wanted to coach the soccer team.  He told me right then and there that he would quit his job if it meant he couldn’t be there for his kids. Despite not knowing him very well at the time, I believed him. Seven years and one kid later, I still believe him. Because it’s true.

When I became pregnant with the Monkey, the Dude became more and more anxious. He was a fast-rising star in his San Francisco law firm, but he (and we) paid the consequences for it. Working late hours and all weekend became the norm. Dinner reservations would be canceled, trips would be postponed, and many hot meals that I cooked became cold leftovers for the next day. It was a miracle if we could get to bed at the same time. We were not able to spend quality time together and neither one of us was happy about it. When our Monkey was born, the Dude took 2 months off of work to help with the baby. It was a financial and career sacrifice, but it was something the Dude insisted on doing for our family. Being with his newborn son 24 hours a day was an incredibly special time for all of us, which made it all the harder when he finally went back to work. Once again, the late nights at the office and working weekends became our routine.  We started talking about Plan B but, what that plan was, we didn’t know. All we knew was that something had to change.

Something did change. When the Monkey was 5 months old, the Dude received a job offer in Southern California. It meant that he could work normal business hours. It meant dinner at home every night and family weekends. It meant that vacations didn’t need to be postponed. It meant that family life was the priority and that the Dude no longer had to worry about missing anything. It also meant a pay-cut and that he was no longer on partner-track at a law firm. But, if you ask him, that wasn’t much of a sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice in life is when you’re sacrificing valuable time with your kids and family.

I know now why I never anticipated having a child. It’s only because I had never met anyone I wanted to have a child with until I met the Dude.  I knew from the start that he would make a good dad and I was right. It’s the best thing I’ve ever been right about. He is a good dad and one that only gets better at it each and every day. That alone makes me love him more every day.

Happy Father’s Day to the Dude, my own wonderful father, grandfather, father-in-law, brother and all the other good dads out there. You are loved and appreciated. Keep doing what you’re doing…and continue to help inspire the next generation of good dads.

I walked over to the polling station down the street from me with my toddler in tow. I didn’t have to take him with me. Grandma is coming over later to babysit and I could have waited until then. I also could have gone later today when the Dude returned from work. But I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to bring my 2 year old with me because I want him to be a part of this day, even if he’s 16 years away from casting his first vote.

It’s not the Monkey’s first election. He was first introduced to the election process at 2 weeks old. I remember strolling him down the street to our local firehouse in downtown San Francisco. Sure, he slept through all of it but I was glad he was there with me while I performed my civic duty. I hope he is always with me on these important days.

I have great memories of going to the polls with my parents. We would walk down to a neighbor’s garage and I would go into the polling booth with one of my parents while they filled out their votes. I remember talking to them about their decisions and why they voted a certain way. I didn’t always agree with them (I still don’t!) but it always made for interesting conversations. I still enjoy talking to both of my parents about our elections, especially when we have differing points of view.

Shortly after I turned 18 in 1994, I once again walked down to a neighbor’s garage with my mother. But, this time, I got to cast my first vote.  It wasn’t a big Presidential election, but I was able to voice my opinions on a number of other issues and elections. I remember feeling really good after I left the polling booth. I felt like an adult and true citizen for the first time in my young life.

Not an election goes by that I do not vote. When I move, one of the first things on my to-do list is to register to vote. It’s sometimes a challenge to get to the polls, especially when we have kids in tow, but it’s something that can’t be be ignored. I was contemplating whether or not to register for a permanent vote-by-mail, just to make things easier, but the Dude had a good argument against it. It’s important to bring your kids to the polls. It’s important to introduce them to the democratic process, no matter how young. We may be frustrated if the line is long, but those minutes spent waiting to voice our political opinions are worth it. Children are never too young to witness the power of voting and democracy in action

Unlike so many other countries, we’re able to express our political opinions on a regular basis. We should never take that for granted. Don’t let your kids take it for granted, either. Take them to the polls and talk to them about the process. If they’re old enough to question your beliefs and votes, don’t hide from that conversation. Discuss, inform from all points of view, and then let make their own decisions. Modeling how to be a responsible citizen with an informed and educated opinion is one of the best gifts you can give to your children.

But this time was different.

This mom was really cool and I liked her immediately.  We simply had one of those conversations that just *clicked.* Within a matter of minutes, we learned a great deal about each other and discovered we had quite a bit in common. I felt a connection and wanted to get know her more. I could tell she felt the same way, too. But, then the Dude arrived at the park to surprise the Monkey and, after an introduction and a few more minutes of chatting, she turned away to run after her boys and we started getting ready to head home. I didn’t quite know how to approach her after that, so I left without getting her digits.

I learned something that day. Picking up on other moms is hard to do.

It’s one thing to meet new mom (or dad) friends at playgroups, sports, lessons, or through school, but how do you ignite a friendship with someone you just met and connected with…but have no way of knowing if you’ll ever see them again? Is it weird to ask for a number or e-mail address (or offer your own) in a matter of minutes? I don’t have much, if any experience with this sort of thing. Nearly everyone I call a friend just somehow became a part of my world, mostly through regular interactions at places like work or school or through mutual friends. Between my real life friends, acquaintances,  and online community of blogging buddies, I don’t actively look to expand my social network.  But, just like when you’re looking for romance, friendships can often be found when you’re least expecting it.

I have a new appreciation for the men and women who are confident and brave enough to ask someone they just met for their information. I’m sure they fail at times, but I’m certain they ultimately succeed as well. And what’s the big deal if someone says no, right? At least they took a chance and asked.

I think I missed an opportunity to become friends with someone I thought was really cool. I hope I see her at the park again one day. And, if I do, I’ll make sure to take a chance.

I love outdoor shows, especially on a beautiful summer day or warm evening. Bringing your kids along can be one of the best ways to introduce them to music.  Some of my earliest childhood memories center around music and live shows so, needless to say, music has always been important to me.  Before pregnancy, live shows were something the Dude and I ventured to regularly and would even plan vacations around. That didn’t stop when I got pregnant. The Monkey probably went to about 30 shows in the womb, from bluegrass and classical to jazz and popular rock. My last concert was about two weeks before my due date. I’m still not sure how I waddled my way to that show, but I certainly got plenty of dancing space!

There is no better way to expose children to music than to introduce them to the live creation of it. To actually experience the formation of beautiful and complex melodies is a wonderful way to stimulate the senses of children and help cognitive and physical development. However, as important as it is to expose young ears to the gift of music, it’s even more important to protect those ears. The type of venue, music genre, the type of crowd, and the acoustics are important pieces of information to gather before you buy your tickets.

If you have an infant, a comfortable wearable wrap or carrier is the ideal way to bring your baby along to a show. If your child is walking, running and exploring, it’s best to bring them to shows that have a safe space for them to do those things (with someone watching them, of course). It’s also very important to buy a good pair of headphones for your child.  If the show is acoustic, headphones won’t usually be necessary. However, even local summer shows in the park can be loud. You may not need the headphones, but always make sure you have them handy. Before we go to a show, we practice with the Monkey by putting the headphones on at the house while playing music. Making a game of it or giving your child a sticker or treat when they leave the headphones on is a good way to make sure they keep them on. You can also buy a wax substance to put in their ears, but the Monkey prefers the headphones. So do I. That stuff is hard to use!

When you’re going to a show, make sure to pack like you’re going on a picnic or to the beach. Bring plenty of sunscreen, a hat, a change of clothes, water, and enough food and snacks. There is a chance your toddler or young child will get bored or tired, so make sure to bring them some toys or books. A blanket is also a good idea for them to rest on or use if it gets chilly.

One of the reasons I especially love outdoor summer concerts is because I do not bring the Monkey to indoor shows. In fact, I advise against bringing infants, toddlers, and very young children to indoor shows and concerts (unless they are specifically geared towards children). If the show is a sit-down concert, it will be difficult to keep a child seated and quiet for an entire show. If the music is standing only, it will often be too crowded and overwhelming. The acoustics are much louder indoors and there is also usually smoke in the air. Although you’ll find that at most shows, it’s easier to steer clear of smoke when you’re outdoors.

As fun as outdoor shows can be for the family, just make sure to keep checking in with your kids during the show. If they’re bored, cranky, or simply not into the show, don’t force it. Maybe they’re not comfortable or simply don’t enjoy the music. I’ve had to leave a few shows early or decided against bringing the Monkey to particular concerts.  That’s just a part of parenting and it’s why we have babysitters on speed dial.

When there is an upcoming outdoor show in your area that seems like a fun event for your child, don’t pass up the opportunity. Your infant and toddler probably won’t remember the actual experience, but the impressionable mark of live music will forever be etched into their mind and soul.

Have any live music experiences with children you want to share – good, bad or otherwise? I would also love from those who have concert recommendations, especially for toddlers.

It wasn’t always this way.

Within weeks after the Monkey was born, we started to venture out to our favorite places to eat in San Francisco. From about 2 weeks to 6 months, the Dude and I would roll our Monkey along in his carseat to some of our favorite places, including upscale restaurants. Think we’re crazy? I beg to differ. We knew his nap routine perfectly and he always slept like a dream in his carseat. I say to all new-parent friends – go out with your newborn. Take advantage of their nap schedule AND their ability to sleep through anything. Don’t be nervous. There is a very good chance that your newborn will be better behaved than most other patrons.

Around 6 months, his sleep routine changed and so did his activity level. We started to hire babysitters more often.

When we do take the Monkey out, there are a few tips that have helped me along the way. Now, my child is no angel and I would never pretend otherwise. He is a very normal and active toddler who can scream and flail like a banshee when his freedom to do as he pleases is restricted. That said, I have still managed to garner a few compliments from other patrons about his behavior at restaurants. Why? Because I put myself in the shoes of other patrons. I do not like dining around unruly children. I do not want my child to be THAT child. Yet it is inevitable, though. Your child will throw a temper tantrum at some point in public and it is very likely that it will be at a restaurant.

How To Avoid Tantrums (and how to deal with them when they occur):

• Before you head into a restaurant with your child, explain your expectations. Tell your child that you expect them to sit in their seat and behave. If they have a favorite menu item, tell them that if they behave, they will get (insert chicken fingers, hamburger, etc…). Children respond well to rewards. However, I do not reward with dessert or new toys. I create a reward system out of mundane things. For example, my child loves driving around in the car. I tell him that if he behaves, we will drive around. I also reward with one of his stuffed animals that he adores or with stickers or crayons. When he expects a (small) reward, he usually behaves appropriately.

• I don’t give my child toys to play with at the table at home, but it’s another story at restaurants. Come prepared with crayons, a coloring book and a few small cars or dolls. Most parents agree: diversion and entertainment can work wonders.

• Bring a favorite (healthy) snack just in case they are picky about the menu items. It also helps if the service is slow or the kitchen is busy. I also usually order my child’s food before my own and ask the waiter to bring it right away, like an appetizer. We all know: hungry children  =  cranky children.

• When your child is behaving well, compliment him on his good behavior. Children love attention from parents, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative. However, they ultimately love it when mommy and daddy are smiling and happy with their good behavior. A positive response to appropriate behavior will usually ensure that the child will continue that behavior. Ignoring good behavior is the equivalent of not clapping after a great performance. If you want more, you need to validate it.

• If your child is acting up and has become unruly in a restaurant, do not ignore it. Start with a warning and let them know that you will have to leave with him or her if they continue to act up. If it escalates to a tantrum, do not ignore it. Now, this can be tricky because chances are good that you heard ignoring temper tantrums is the best way to stop them. Yes, that’s true. But there is a time and place for everything. Do not subject other restaurant patrons and employees to a temper tantrum. When my child throws himself on the floor at home, I ignore him. When he does that in a restaurant, I take him outside in order to calm him down. I again explain my expectations of him and tell him that there will be a reward for his good behavior. I also inform him of consequences (take away a toy, no story, etc…). If the child is not able to behave appropriately after a stern warning, remove him from that environment. We have had to end meals very quickly a few times. This is just a part of parenting and being conscientious of the people around you.

• Whatever you do, do not let your child run around the restaurant or go to other tables. No one thinks it’s cute or funny. In fact, it’s dangerous. Speaking from experience as a breakfast waitress for many years during my time in school, I have personally spilled hot coffee and hot plates of food on children running under my feet. Do not let that happen to your kid.

Have any other tips or ideas about children in restaurants? Or just want to share a story? Please comment!

The debate still rages within.

I have never been so conflicted about anything in my life. Ever since I decided to become a mother, I assumed that I would have two children. No more, no less.  My reasons for not wanting more children may be considered selfish, but they are still valid reasons nonetheless.

I don’t want to be pregnant again. It was an incredible experience to be pregnant but it wasn’t necessarily enjoyable. Simply put, the lack of control over my body was an unpleasant experience. This may have something to do with my OCD tendencies, but I think a lot of women feel this way with or without acknowledging it. I felt the same way about breastfeeding for nine months. For 18 months, my body belonged to another human being. Now that another 18 months have gone by in which I’ve had complete control over my body, I’m not so sure I want to rent it out again.

I enjoy sleeping again. I enjoy having personal time for myself and time for the Dude. Getting time for myself, let alone with my husband, is a luxury. Infants and toddlers tend to put a marriage/partnership on the back-burner when it really needs to be a priority. All marriages/partnerships suffer when children come along and there is a big part of me that doesn’t want my marriage to be affected any more than it has already. Introducing children into your world can be the most beautiful thing in the world, but it can also create a huge strain on family dynamics.

I also want to go back to work again, sooner rather than later. The longer I stay home with young children and out of the work force, the longer my skill set, knowledge, and experience wanes. Working is not my priority right now but I often think about what it will be like when I finally head back. It makes me anxious, to say the least.

There is one thing that I keep going back to when it comes to welcoming another family member. The importance of giving the Monkey a sibling. I will be perfectly happy to go through life as a “trio formation”, as one reader commented on my previous post. But we won’t always be a trio. If life goes the way it should, the Dude and I will be gone long before the Monkey. His connection to the world will die with us. I’m assuming he will have his own family by then, but it would be nice if he had a brother or sister around as well.

Watching my own father and his brother grieve together during the recent passing of my grandmother really hit home how important siblings are throughout life. I am the oldest of  4 siblings (2 full, 2 half ) and I am very happy to have them in my life. With the two siblings I grew up with, we have a shared childhood experience that becomes more meaningful the older we become. The older I get, the more I also appreciate my brother and sister. I didn’t always feel that way. Like most kids with siblings, I would have much preferred to be an only child. No matter how much attention I received, it was never enough. There was daily fighting and bickering. But we eventually grew up and learned to appreciate one another, despite all of our differences. I think we all realized that as much as we are different, we are also inherently the same. We have similar values and give each other unfailing support. That alone will be something I cherish throughout my life.

The internal debate continues, but it’s a big decision that will need to be decided soon. I will be 34 this year and  I don’t want children past the age of 35.  Adoption is certainly a consideration but the Dude and I aren’t completely on the same page about it.  Let’s just say that having another bio-child is preferred and that adoption will be discussed more in-depth if that tactic should fail. But that’s another topic for another day.

Hi Mama. Thanks for coming into my playroom office for your year-end review. First, I would like to congratulate you on making it through what I believe has been a challenging year.  I started the year with a tentative curiosity that has now morphed into a careless daredevil attitude. I leave you exhausted by the evening and wake you up at sunrise to play. I have become a picky and demanding eater and my table manners are still somewhat nonexistent. I may know how to use a fork now, but I can’t promise that the food will always end up in my mouth. My favorite words are “NO!” “NO WAY” and “NONONONONONO!!!!” which are usually expressed in, uh, a very spirited manner.  I tend to treat you like a servant and yet you still smother me with love and kisses. Have you always let people walk all over you like this? If so, we may need to address your self-esteem issues.

While some goals have been met and some expectations have been exceeded, there have been some mistakes and even a few outright failures. The year started out great but things started sliding a bit around the first quarter. That’s about the time I started to actually sleep through the night, which apparently led you to believe that you could sleep more on the job, too. You picked up speed again until the 3rd quarter, which is when I understand you started a “Mommy Blog.”  I noticed your work performance slacking a bit when I started getting an extra half-hour on my nap schedule and little extra time in front of Sesame Street and Olivia. Look, I appreciate your need to document “mommy” stuff online as well as your desire to communicate with people other than me, Elmo, and Oswald. I get it. The only reason I bring it up is that while I don’t mind your little side projects, I just want to make sure that you still manage to keep the vast majority of your energy on one thing, and one thing only…me.

For the most part, it’s been a good year. I know I’m not the easiest boss in the world. You’ve been a full-time, 24/7 on-call employee of mine for 26 months now. I have to say, you’ve been managing your position quite well overall, especially since you had zero job experience before you took on this position. Let’s be honest, despite your career and educational background, you knew nothing about what this job would actually entail. However, despite your lack of experience, I am a healthy, happy, and well-adjusted 2 year old. For the most part.

Let’s go over the goals from last year as well as discuss the goals for next year.  I am happy to report that many of them have been met.  Let’s review:

1. Learn to say “thank you” : ACCOMPLISHED! (even though I pronounce it “danku”)
2. Eat broccoli: ACCOMPLISHED! (yet you still call them “trees”, as if you think I’m arboristically-challenged)
3. Sleep in a big-boy bed: ACCOMPLISHED! (although making me sleep on a mattress on the floor during the “transition period”  felt almost criminal at times).
4. Play well with others: ACCOMPLISHED! (you know I never mean to throw sand in other kid’s eyes, right? Right???)
5. Get me into a sleep routine: ACCOMPLISHED! (I just want to add one thing – can we please stop reading Goodnight Moon all the time? That book makes me have weird dreams about old bunnies, jumping cows, and mush).

Now for the bad news. The following goals were not accomplished:

1. Wean me off the binkies: FAIL
2. Wean me off the bottle: FAIL
3. Wean me off a night bottle(s): FAIL
4. Potty-train me: (this one is almost laughable) FAIL
5. Learn the alphabet: (seriously?) FAIL
6. Learn to count to 3: FAIL
7. Stop throwing food: FAIL
8. Learn to say I LOVE YOU: eh,  I can sign it, so I guess that’s a only a semi-FAIL

So instead of creating some new goals for yourself, perhaps you might want to just work on the items that didn’t get accomplished this past year. I’ve got to be honest. It looks like you got your work cut out for you next year, Mama.

In conclusion, you’ve done a fine job as my mom this past year. Since I don’t know anything different and I have nothing to compare you with, I’d even go as far as to say you’ve done excellent work. Keep it up. Oh, and one more thing. You know how I put my fingers in my ears when you sing me a lullaby every night and you think that’s so cute? Well, what I’m really trying to tell you is…STFU! Oh, uh, where did I learn that from? Ummmm, go ask your co-worker…that daddy fellow. Yeah. Anyways. Thanks again for a good year and let’s make next year even better. Now, go gimme some milk. Danku.

Happy New Year, readers! May 2010 be filled with love, joy, and happiness.