Immediately after they become engaged another Big Question starts coming around: So when is the Big Day?

As soon as the newlyweds step off the plane from their honeymoon, The Big Question gets much, much bigger: So, when are you two having kids?

For some married/partnered couples, that question will never get answered. But for the rest of us, we hope that the Big Questions stop as soon as we push junior out.

Not so fast.

This ain’t China, yo. Unless you live in a cramped New York City apartment and can only afford one private school tuition, couples are expected to multiply at least a few times.  We are obsessed with children around here and the more, the merrier. We live in a strange culture where people actually plan for births of multiples, celebrities adopt babies from multiple countries as if they’re souvenirs, sextuplets are celebrated (despite their bickering, self-absorbed, and money-hungry parents), and an uber-religious couple with their 19th child on the way says that the Lord has told them to keep multiplying until it’s no longer possible.  I’m sure if that uterus had any say in the matter, it would’ve called it quits a few kids back. Lastly, let’s not forget about the single mom with 6 kids who then gave birth to octuplets. Crazy, right? Well, crazy makes for good ratings, which is why these stories are even stories at all. We might not be able to give our kids proper attention, nurturing, and guidance, but at least we can make a few bucks off of them!

People don’t have just ONE child in America! Never mind over-population and the strain on environmental and economic resources. We must replicate our DNA over and over again! Plus, doesn’t your child deserve to have a brother or sister…or 10 of them?

I guess it was inevitable but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. As soon as my kid had his first birthday, people started asking about the next one: so when are you going to make the Monkey into a Big Brother!?! Why is there an assumption that there will be a next one? I understand getting it from the parents who love being grandparents, but getting the Big Question from complete strangers is just strange.

Planning for a second baby is much more difficult than planning for the first baby. You have no idea what you’re getting into before you get pregnant the first time. After that, not only do you know better, but you have another child to think about. To be honest, I would be just fine with my one little Monkey. He is just shy of two years old and I am simply not willing to give up the attention and time I devote to him. Until the little guy can speak coherently, is out of diapers, and is in preschool, I’m not even going to think about it. If I choose to have another baby, I’ll never regret it. But I will regret not being able to devote as much time as possible with the Monkey before another child takes so much of that attention away.

Enough is Enough is right.

In the article and short video clip, Jon claims that he was a victim of Kate’s emotional and verbal abuse and that he was “beaten down” by Kate. She also forced him to disconnect from his family. In the longer interview, which airs tonight, Jon states that he despises Kate. I won’t be watching the rest of it.

Like a lot of people, I can’t help but follow the demise of Kate and Jon Gosselin’s marriage. Perhaps it’s because their family drama continues to make headline news and front page covers, even months after they broke the news that they had separated. Now it seems like the war of words between the two have escalated to full-blown attacks. Whether or not Jon was a victim of emotional abuse is not for any of us to judge. Jon and Kate may have brought us into their home every week, but no one will ever know the full truth except for the two of them. What we do know is this – disparaging comments have been made about each other by both parties.

Jon and Kate are certainly not the only celebrities to publicly display their disaffection for the mother or father of their children. The divorce battle between Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin or Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are somewhat notorious in the “what-not-to-do” category. Most recently, Anne Heche called her ex-husband a “lazy ass” on The Late Show with David Letterman while Travis Barker tweeted “my Babies (sic) mama is a piece of sh*t.”

Is all this public airing of dirty divorce laundry merely an attempt to boost ratings for their shows? Is it a transparent attempt to secure public sympathy? Or is it simply because the famous parents involved don’t quite understand the ramifications of their loose lips. I have a feeling that there is always a PR person in the background smirking with glee when a famous client unleashes private issues to the press. After all, for people who rely on publicity, bad press is better than no press. Whatever the motives are, there is a fundamental problem with all this bashing and trashing and it affects no one more than their children.

One of the biggest issues with divorce is how you handle the break-up with your children. It’s fairly simple, really. Don’t trash-talk the mother or father of your children. During a bitter separation or divorce, one might understandably need to vent. In some cases, parents vent to their children as a motive for them to take sides or to understand their reasons for the divorce. However, talking negatively about another parent isn’t hurting the other parent. It’s really only hurting the children.

When children hear something negative about a parent, they will often interpret it as something about themselves. Children are creations of their parents and they are a reflection of them. When a child hears that their father is a deadbeat loser or their mother is a controlling bitch, a child may wonder if they are as well. Hurtful words about parents are internalized and the children caught in a tug-of-words between parents will often become sad, angry, anxious, or depressed. They may act out. They may join forces with one parent and turn against the other. It is often devastating for a child to hear words that shatter their perception of mom or dad. And a shattered perception is not always capable of being repaired.

When Jon and Kate announced their plans to divorce, they both stated that their priority is the well-being of their children. It’s hard for viewers to take those words seriously when recent articles and interviews are filled with scathing attacks about one another.  Of course, most families going through a divorce aren’t headlined on CNN or People Magazine and they certainly aren’t sitting down for a nationwide television interview. Famous or not, it’s important to keep in mind that our words are powerful to the people we love. In the long run, it doesn’t really matter to us what happened between Jon and Kate and it certainly doesn’t affect us. But it does matter in the lives of their children.

Whether you’re going through a tough time in your partnership or have been divorced for years, just remember to keep things respectful. It’s tough for people to remember the good stuff when there doesn’t seem to be anything good left within a relationship. However difficult, it’s important to highlight the positive things about your partner or former partner to your children. Keep the negative stuff out of those discussions with your children. The children of divorce have enough tough stuff to deal with as it is. It is a confusing, painful, anxious, and sad time for most kids and those feelings can linger for years.  In some cases, they never go away. It’s also, obviously, an extremely tough time for the parents. However, it’s up to the parents to keep things civilized and respectable. And if one needs to vent, well, that’s why we have good friends and therapists.