Pancakes with maple syrup, hold the blueberries

My 3 year old son is a very picky eater, with an emphasis on “very.”

It’s obviously a common problem amongst kids his age, but I feel like it’s getting increasingly worse. He refuses to try new foods and often pushes his plate away, complete with a look a disgust and “blech” sound effects.

The Monkey was great with food until he was about 2 years old. At 2, he stopped drinking from a bottle, which was primarily used for milk. Since he associated milk with a bottle, he stopped drinking milk altogether. He started to push meals away, especially if vegetables were seen on his plate, and started to ask for specific foods. My child, who once devoured my roasted Brussels sprouts, scrambled eggs with veggies, and beet salads, now wants to live on chicken fingers, pizza, and pancakes.

We established a rewards system that is very hit or miss.  We would reward him with a small soy ice cream sandwich or a few organic chocolate covered pretzels as a treat after he ate his dinner. However, as for trying new foods, the reward system doesn’t even work. He would rather skip a treat than try something new. He has been known to throw a tantrum when he doesn’t get what he wants or simply refuses to eat.

Although he’s pretty good with certain fruits, like apples and bananas, it’s a struggle to get him to eat any veggies. I often put veggies on his plate, which he immediately removes. I even tried the whole hiding-pureed-veggies-in-food thing for a while. But not only have I grown to believe that it’s a disservice in the long-run, the Monkey also knows better.

I now dread mealtime.

Where did we go wrong? I did my research when it came time for the Monkey to start eating. At 6 months old, while being exclusively breastfed, the Monkey only ate pureed green vegetables, followed by an introduction to orange and yellow vegetables. He didn’t even have fruit until he was about 9 months old. As for refined sugars, the Monkey didn’t have any until his first taste of cake on his 1st birthday. He didn’t have it again until his 2nd birthday. The Monkey has never had fast food and doesn’t even know what McDonald’s is.

But, at some point during his 2nd year, I lost some of the control I had with the Monkey’s food intake. He was introduced to more types of “kid-friendly” food. He went to birthday parties where they served treats and cakes. He had pizza, french fries, and chicken fingers for the first time. He started to crave those foods. The Monkey also started to eat more snack foods like crackers and chips. Carbs and sugars – it’s all he wants and demands.

This could all be a phase or we may simply have a very picky eater on our hands. It’s hard to say at this point. I like to say that if this is the worst issue with our child, than we’re very fortunate parents. But it does make me nervous. I want my child to be as healthy as possible, which can only be accomplished with a diet filled with nutritious and healthy food. I worry about the lack of calcium, magnesium, and omega 3′s in his diet. I worry that his weight is on the low side of normal for his height and age. And I worry that he will grow up to have a negative relationship with food. Or, maybe, all this worrying is for nothing – that his eating habits are fine for his age and that he will choose better food options down the road. Guess time will tell. In the meantime, I’ll keep serving him veggies and wholesome foods and hope that, one day, he won’t push the plate away.

If you have any ideas, suggestions, stories, or words of encouragement, please share!

AYMB is now on Facebook! Click here to “like” me.  You can also follow me on twitter.

My Monkey with his two favorite things - his iPhone and his monkey. A pic taken with my iPhone, of course.

My two year old has his own iPhone.

Now, before you think I am absolutely insane to buy an expensive phone for my toddler, let me assure you that I did not run out and drop $300 on a new phone for him. No way. However, being the ultimate tech-geek that he is, the Dude did run out a few months ago to get himself the new iPhone 4G. This meant that we had his old iPhone available to be donated to a good cause. We quickly realized that the best cause was our little Monkey.

The Monkey has been playing with our iPhones since around his 2nd birthday, nearly one year ago. When I discovered how toddler-friendly certain iPhone apps could be for him, I researched the most educational and creative apps and loaded them up on our iPhones. I was so impressed with certain apps, that I wrote a post back in April about my favorite iPhone apps for toddlers. With thousands of hits, that post quickly became my most popular blog post. Either there are a ton of other parents out there letting their toddlers play with their iPhone and iPads or people are simply curious to learn more about it.

It does seem that more and more people are discovering that it’s smart to let your kids play with smart phones. An iPhone or other smart phone can, with proper guidance and supervision, be used as a valuable teaching tool for children. The interactive content on an iPhone can help developing brains learn how to problem-solve and figure things out quickly and, when exposed to educational apps, a toddler’s learning process can actually be enhanced. Consider apps to be a valuable supplement to the teaching process already going on in your home or in preschool.

There are pros and cons to letting a toddler use an iPhone, so here are my helpful ideas on safe iPhone play:

• It’s easy for adults to drop and break an iPhone (*raises hand*), which means it’s even easier for toddlers to drop one. Buy a hard or sturdy case and screen protector to safeguard the phone as well as possible.
• If you’re giving your child an old iPhone, make sure to remove the SIM card. If you’re handing your phone over, put it in Airplane mode. You don’t need junior making calls to long-distance relatives.
• Make sure to remove content that is not appropriate or that may cost you money if used. For example, I had to remove the “Mad Men” cocktail app (a toddler is a little young to learn how to mix a martini, right?) and my Woot app. I really can’t afford for my child to purchase a random t-shirt or a case of wine every day.
• Load up the iPhone with toddler-friendly apps, pictures, videos, music, and even movies. Need ideas for toddler-friendly apps? You’ve come to the right place. Check out my top 15 apps for preschoolers.
• Limit the time your child can use the iPhone. 20 minutes is a reasonable time limit for toddlers.
• Considering that the iPhone has access to the Internet and websites like YouTube, watch your child use the device and monitor his or her activities to ensure that they are not accessing anything inappropriate.
• Play with your child using the apps or at least check in here and there to see what they doing. Not only is it for their protection but it also helps you evaluate how they use it and what they are learning.

If you’re the parent of a toddler, preschooler, or kindergartner, do you let your children use interactive media or devices, such as an iPhone? Why or why not? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Some startling facts about underage drinking:

• Children who first use alcohol before the age of 15 are six times more likely to have alcohol problems than those who start drinking after the age of 21.
• 40% of children have tried alcohol before 8th grade.
• 75% of high school seniors have tried alcohol.
• According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, approximately 5,000 people under the age of 21 die as a result of drinking alcohol.
• 11% of 8th graders, 22% of 10th graders, and 29% of 12th graders have engaged in heavy episodic  (binge) drinking.
• Children are starting to drink much earlier than ever before. The average age of first use in 2003 was 14. In 1965, the average age was 17.5.

The new website suggests short and frequent discussions rather than have “the talk” which can be long and intimidating for children. Many children will simply tune parents out, especially if they are being talked *at* and not *to.* When you start a dialogue with your child, make sure to ask them questions and make time for their questions, too. Another important factor is to establish your rules and thoughts on alcohol use early and consistently.

If you need some tips and guidelines about how to talk to your kids about alcohol, this website is a fantastic place to start. Parents will not only be able to gather a lot of useful information, but they can also create a personalized action plan for talking with their child. What you say to a 9 year old boy will obviously be different from what you say to a 19 year old girl. The personalized action plan is a wonderful guideline to help you have those discussions, whether your child is 9 or 19.

If you don’t talk to your kids about drinking, you’re actually saying something.  Start early and talk often. I urge all parents to check out this website:

www.underagedrinking.samhsa.gov

Have any comments? Please share!

It wasn’t always this way.

Within weeks after the Monkey was born, we started to venture out to our favorite places to eat in San Francisco. From about 2 weeks to 6 months, the Dude and I would roll our Monkey along in his carseat to some of our favorite places, including upscale restaurants. Think we’re crazy? I beg to differ. We knew his nap routine perfectly and he always slept like a dream in his carseat. I say to all new-parent friends – go out with your newborn. Take advantage of their nap schedule AND their ability to sleep through anything. Don’t be nervous. There is a very good chance that your newborn will be better behaved than most other patrons.

Around 6 months, his sleep routine changed and so did his activity level. We started to hire babysitters more often.

When we do take the Monkey out, there are a few tips that have helped me along the way. Now, my child is no angel and I would never pretend otherwise. He is a very normal and active toddler who can scream and flail like a banshee when his freedom to do as he pleases is restricted. That said, I have still managed to garner a few compliments from other patrons about his behavior at restaurants. Why? Because I put myself in the shoes of other patrons. I do not like dining around unruly children. I do not want my child to be THAT child. Yet it is inevitable, though. Your child will throw a temper tantrum at some point in public and it is very likely that it will be at a restaurant.

How To Avoid Tantrums (and how to deal with them when they occur):

• Before you head into a restaurant with your child, explain your expectations. Tell your child that you expect them to sit in their seat and behave. If they have a favorite menu item, tell them that if they behave, they will get (insert chicken fingers, hamburger, etc…). Children respond well to rewards. However, I do not reward with dessert or new toys. I create a reward system out of mundane things. For example, my child loves driving around in the car. I tell him that if he behaves, we will drive around. I also reward with one of his stuffed animals that he adores or with stickers or crayons. When he expects a (small) reward, he usually behaves appropriately.

• I don’t give my child toys to play with at the table at home, but it’s another story at restaurants. Come prepared with crayons, a coloring book and a few small cars or dolls. Most parents agree: diversion and entertainment can work wonders.

• Bring a favorite (healthy) snack just in case they are picky about the menu items. It also helps if the service is slow or the kitchen is busy. I also usually order my child’s food before my own and ask the waiter to bring it right away, like an appetizer. We all know: hungry children  =  cranky children.

• When your child is behaving well, compliment him on his good behavior. Children love attention from parents, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative. However, they ultimately love it when mommy and daddy are smiling and happy with their good behavior. A positive response to appropriate behavior will usually ensure that the child will continue that behavior. Ignoring good behavior is the equivalent of not clapping after a great performance. If you want more, you need to validate it.

• If your child is acting up and has become unruly in a restaurant, do not ignore it. Start with a warning and let them know that you will have to leave with him or her if they continue to act up. If it escalates to a tantrum, do not ignore it. Now, this can be tricky because chances are good that you heard ignoring temper tantrums is the best way to stop them. Yes, that’s true. But there is a time and place for everything. Do not subject other restaurant patrons and employees to a temper tantrum. When my child throws himself on the floor at home, I ignore him. When he does that in a restaurant, I take him outside in order to calm him down. I again explain my expectations of him and tell him that there will be a reward for his good behavior. I also inform him of consequences (take away a toy, no story, etc…). If the child is not able to behave appropriately after a stern warning, remove him from that environment. We have had to end meals very quickly a few times. This is just a part of parenting and being conscientious of the people around you.

• Whatever you do, do not let your child run around the restaurant or go to other tables. No one thinks it’s cute or funny. In fact, it’s dangerous. Speaking from experience as a breakfast waitress for many years during my time in school, I have personally spilled hot coffee and hot plates of food on children running under my feet. Do not let that happen to your kid.

Have any other tips or ideas about children in restaurants? Or just want to share a story? Please comment!

Some parents may use that term loosely or merely as thoughtless hyperbole but, for just as many other parents, they really do believe it to be true. They do everything with their teenager. They confide in their child about adult-themed content. They joke about and discuss inappropriate subject matter. They gossip with their teenager about their teenage friends. And the rules, discipline, and structure that may have once been present in the home tends to wane significantly or end altogether.

Why do parents do that?

My guess is that some parents just really don’t know how to parent a teenager.

When your child gets older and enters the pre-teen and teenage years, it can be difficult for some parents to know what role to play. While some parents start tightening the reins on the increasing independence of their children, other parents loosen up and start behaving more like a friend. Many teenagers act like mini-adults and will start testing their parents as they explore their new world between childhood and adulthood. And, as I’m sure we all remember well enough, it’s a tough world to live in. You’re too old to act like a child, but you’re also too young to behave like an adult. It can be very frustrating for both the teenager and the parents.

There is no doubt that as your child grows into a teenager, your role as a parent will shift. Once a child enters the pre-teen years, they tend to seek more validity and approval from friends, rather than parents. The opinions and advice of their parents start to lose some of their power. Once a child begins the long journey of self-discovery and identity, they often turn to the people that help define their image: their peers.  Many parents quickly realize that they have lost some influence over their teenager and will resort to treating their teenager as an equal. It could be out of desperation as they strive to keep their independence-seeking teenager close and connected and perhaps regain some approval and respect from their once-adoring child.

There are two major problems with treating your teenager as a best-buddy.  First, the boundaries between parent and child become fuzzy and blurred. This can be a problem when you’re attempting to be their friend while struggling to exert control over them as well. Second, treating the teenager as an equal actually inhibits development while at the same time pushing the teen to grow up too fast.

Your teenager will not tell you this because it certainly isn’t something they are consciously aware of, but they need you to be their parent, not their friend. They still need guidelines and boundaries. They still need some rules and structure. You will discuss serious subject matter with your child, but it should be discussed as a parent, not as a friend. They still need you, even when they snap at you, hide in their room, or prefer to be with friends. Continue to enforce the rules, but be open to changing some of them. Perhaps give them some extra time on their curfew, but maintain consequences if they are late.  Be open with them about the changing rules and even ask for their input, but be reasonable. Know who their friends are and where they’re going. Have them check in with you. If you allow them to join social networking sites, like Facebook or Twitter, keep tabs on them. Lastly, trust your teenager unless proven otherwise. And if you feel something is amiss or that there is something going on, talk to them.

Here are some great tips on how to communicate with your teenager. I adapted this list from Psych Central:

How To Communicate:

• Be a good listener. If your teen is willing to share something — anything — accept it for the precious and rare moment it is. Listen non-judgmentally. Rule to live by: Listen twice as much as you speak.
• Respect their privacy. If your teenager sees that you understand their need for private phone calls and a closed bedroom door, they may be more willing to share some of their inner world with you.
• Give increasing autonomy. If your teenager believes that you trust their judgment, and understand their need for growing independence, they will be more likely to talk with you when real issues arise.
• Accept all of their feelings, as long as they are respectfully conveyed.
• Apologize when you are wrong.
• Talk to them. Schedule time to talk about unappealing topics, such as homework or curfews. Focus on what your teenager got right, before offering constructive criticism.

How NOT to Communicate:

• Avoid lecturing, nagging, and guilt trips.
• Let them trust you. Don’t reveal to others the confidences your teenager has shared with you. Your teenager may not risk offering you intimate thoughts again for some time to come.
• Rephrase your questions. For example, instead of saying, “Why are you 15 minutes late getting home?,” say “I noticed you missed your curfew by 15 minutes.” A subtle difference, but one that will be met with less resistance.

Do you have any other suggestions or comments? Please share!

[disclaimer]

Let’s start with pregnancy. It’s been said that the physical strain of pregnancy and childbirth can take a year off your life. For some of us, that experience might have shaved off about five years. Remember that life sucking machine from the movie, Princess Bride? Well, that’s what labor felt like for me.

After the kid is born, it’s all about the kid. You barely have time to shower and throw on some lip-gloss let alone check in with your physical and mental well-being. Sure, you’re in and out of doctors offices all the time, but you rarely (if ever) see one for yourself. Oh, you’ve had a migraine for a week? A weird bump? A lingering cough? Who has time to check in with a real doctor? That’s why they invented WebMD.

When your kid starts preschool, it’s all downhill from there. Children become carriers for all things germy and disease-ridden. There is no doubt that you will get sick when you have kids. Often. If your child has a runny nose and cough, expect to wake up the next morning with the same problem. You’ll probably get even more sick than the kid, but you don’t have time to wallow in Kleenex-wrapped pity. Get back in the kitchen and make their lunch! And, speaking of lunch, who has time to eat it? You might serve your kid organic and nutritious meals, but you’re often relegated to live off saltines, canned chili, and whatever particles of food are left on the highchair.

Physical health aside, let’s talk about something that can wreak even more havoc on the body. I’m talking about our mental well-being. Were you anxious and neurotic before kids? Yes? That was nothing. Expect your anxiety level to multiply a thousand times. Not only is the world a dangerous place, but so is your house. If you’re like me, every single drawer and cabinet door is child-proofed.  There are baby gates everywhere. There is an alarm on all the doors (just in case the kid tries to escape). TV’s are secured or strapped against the wall. All cords are stored away, oven doors and toilet seats are locked, and there is absolutely nothing breakable around. The kid’s room is practically empty other than a few stuffed animals and a baby monitor. Sometimes all you want is some peace and quiet, but once you finally get it you’ll freak out that something is wrong.

There is no peace. Ever.

Your mind will always be thinking about the what if’s. You hear of horrible stories and experiences from other parents and then play the “what-if-that-happened-to us?” scenario over and over in your mind. There’s a good chance that the new cough or slight fever is the H1N1.  You worry about letting your kids walk down the street or go to a friend’s house. You worry about vaccinating. Is Jenny McCarthy right? Will my kid end up like Rain Main if I vaccinate against polio? Maybe polio isn’t such a bad thing.

Is it any wonder why there are so many mom blogs and twitter accounts with the words – alcohol, bottle, rum, drink, etc… So many of these moms are so stressed out that they don’t know how else to cope. Drinking moms could be laughed off as being cliche if major tragedies didn’t occur from play-dates fueled with martini’s. We’ve all heard the horror stories about that. So, while some moms drink, others need Trazadone just to ease their restless and worried mind. I have a feeling that the consumer demand for sleep medication is dominated by parents of young children.

On a serious note, it’s not that uncommon to put yourself second (or third, fourth, etc…) behind your kids.  We will (literally) break our backs for our kids, but even that might not be a good enough reason to tend to ourselves. We need to prioritize our own physical and mental health, too. We need to eat well, exercise, and stay healthy. We need good coping mechanisms to deal with stress: think yoga, lunch with friends, or a walk around the neighborhood. We need to sometimes check out in order to check in with ourselves. As difficult as it might be, take some time every week to do something for yourself. Parents are caretakers and the role of a caretaker is often the most difficult job in the world. You’re so busy tending and fretting over other people that you don’t do the same for yourself. Make the time. Get your partner, family member, or friend to watch the kid(s) for a few hours every week and don’t feel guilty for doing so. Your family, your body, and your sanity will thank you for it.

Playing, according to Monkey

The Monkey, like his parents, has a few OCD tendencies. Just like Mama, the Monkey needs everything to be clean and organized. Examples? The Monkey enjoys lining up all his toys and will throw a fit if you move his things. He will also pull coasters out for drinks, including his milk bottle. Mama doesn’t even use coasters. Another example? Here we are at today’s playgroup. You will not see other children in the picture because they are playing. The Monkey apparently felt it was more important to sweep.

Almost there...

The Monkey, like the Dude, also enjoys cool gadgets. He especially loves pushing buttons that tend to be noisy. He will become fixated on them until Mama wants to scream. The doorbell has become his biggest source of joy. I’m concerned that his obsession will one day lead into a much bigger problem, like a ding-dong-ditching addiction. I foresee a future filled with many angry neighbors.

OK, OK, I guess these “obsessions” are actually quite common in toddlers. However, if he ever watches “What About Bob” and tells me that he can relate…I’ll blame his dad.